


How Can I Fight My Demons When You’re One Of Them

by Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder



Series: I can't do this alone [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (The SQUIP is an asshole), Angst, Emotional Abuse, F/F, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Mutual Pining, Semi-Canon Compliant, Suicide mention, bc i am weak, but it will end with fluff, self deprication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-10-31 23:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 34,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder/pseuds/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder
Summary: Jeremy really just wants to be cool enough that his long time crush notices him. So, naturally, he gets a SQUIP. The SQUIP appears in the form of said crush, and Jeremy's best friend, Michael.It starts at the beginning of the musical and then continues through Jeremy's struggle with the SQUIP and all the problems that result from it.Based off this thing I saw on Tumblr where the SQUIP appears to Jeremy in the form of Michael.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So my beta doesn't start until tomorrow so tonight's chapter is only edited by me. Uhhh nothing really big happens this chapter, it's mostly the events of "More Than Survive"  
> (And also this is my first published work on here so please bear with me as i try and figure my life out!)

“This is just fucking perfect,” Jeremy mutters to himself as he stalks across the hall, well, as close to a stalk as he ever gets. Rich had cornered him in the bathroom earlier and taunted him about his crush--no not the one on Christine. He was lost in his own thoughts when he smacked into the aforementioned bully.

“Don’t touch me tall ass!” Rich whirls on him, a snarl on his face. He jerks Jeremy so his face is pressed harshly to a locker “And don’t fucking erase that.” Abet confused, Jeremy rushes to backpedal. 

“Sorry I was just--” but he never finishes because Rich had already turned away and was addressing Jake, asking about his latest rendezvous with Madeline. He frowns as he turns a corner and nearly runs over Christine. Great, he thinks, another perfect thing about this day. Could it honestly get any worse? She says something to him and he can’t even stutter out a response. Nice going jackass, could you be any more pathetic? He berates himself. Then he sees a flash of a red hoodie and he tries to rearrange his face into something resembling a smile.

“Jeremy?” Michael appears beside him, all smiles and joy about how he and the girl at the 7/11 had flirted. His face falls when he finally sees Jeremy’s. “What happened man? You look like shit.” 

Jeremy scrubs at his face and turns away from Michael. “Nothing. I’m fine.” Michael jumps back in front of him, frowning. “Fine, I made a total ass of myself this morning, and the way my day is going my crush is going to find out about my feelings and reject me and I’ll be forced to live with the fact that I’ve ruined my life.” He snaps his mouth shut once he realizes what he said. 

“You’re going to tell Christine you like her?” Michael doesn’t look convinced. He raises his eyebrows at Jeremy, who frowns in response. “Whatever. Hey, I saw this cool thing on the Discovery Channel! Get this, humans have stopped evolving!” He seemed ridiculously overjoyed about that. Jeremy just looked at him confused. “You know what this means, don’t you?!” A million thoughts fly through Jeremy’s head, most of them involving him and Michael. Fingers snapping in front of his face bring him back to the present. Jeremy blinks and realizes that he’s been staring through Christine. 

“Signing up for the school play!” He blurts, trying to come up with something to cover up the very awkward pause.

“Uh, no. I was going to say get stoned in my basement.” Something flickers behind Michael’s eyes, but it’s gone before Jeremy can make out what it is. His mind flickers back to the last time they got stoned together. He ended up waxing poetic to Michael about how great he was. They hadn’t talked about it, or referenced it since, and Jeremy didn’t need a repeat of that. 

“No! I meant, look who’s signing up for the school play.” 

Michael’s eyes dart to where Christine was just walking away from the poster. The same emotion as before flashes behind his eyes and Jeremy narrows his eyes, trying to figure out what it was. It bothers him more than it should that he didn’t recognize it. He and Michael had been best friends for 12 years for crying out loud. 

“Christine,” it comes out as a bit of a sigh and before he can really think it through he walks over to the poster and write his name beneath her’s in his messy chicken scratch. 

“GAYYYY” Rich shouts from his spot next to Jake’s locker. Well he’s not exactly wrong… Jeremy thinks to himself. The rest of the students in the hall laugh and Jeremy’s face pinks. 

I’m such a loser. No wonder no one likes me. If this were some cheesy rom-com my long time crush would say that they liked how different I was, except, oh wait, I could never be the main character of a story. Main characters are charismatic, and dynamic, and amazing. I’m none of those things. If life were more like a videogame I’d at least have half a fighting chance. He scoffs to himself and rolls his eyes. Right. Like I’d even have half a chance there. Why is life so much easier when I don’t have to interact with people face to face. 

Suddenly someone’s arm is around him and Jeremy nearly falls to the floor. “Whoa dude, chill, it’s just me.” He relaxes when he hears Michael’s voice. “Are you okay? It seemed like you kinda freaked out there for a second.” 

Jeremy’s eyes dart around the hall.

“Hey, ignore them. They don’t know shit. You’re great, and who cares if you’re gay, even though signing up for the school play doesn’t mean that you are.” Michael is kind of rambling and Jeremy definitely does not think it’s absolutely adorable, even if he doesn’t agree with everything Michael is saying. 

“R-right. I-uh-gotta go. You should probably also go, b-because you don’t want to be late for class. Or-er-I don’t want you to be late b-because of me,” Jeremy stammers as he rakes a hand through his hair in frustration. Michael looks down at him quizzically. 

“Uh, okay. Are you sure you’re cool dude?” 

“Definitely. I’m great. Never been better. I’ll see you later, okay?” He’s not sure why things are suddenly so awkward but he doesn’t like it. He just wants things to be normal--well as normal as things between him and Michael have ever been. 

“Right… Well, see you after school. Text me if you need anything, okay?” Michael’s brows are raised and Jeremy doesn’t think it’s fair that he can make that expression because it makes Jeremy cave every time, and Michael knows it too. 

“Of course. See you later Michael. Have a good day.” Jeremy pulls his face into something resembling a smile and finds himself actually smiling back when Michael returns his fake smile with a blindingly bright one. He mock salutes before continuing down the hallway. Jeremy watches his red hoodie disappear between the students before slipping into his classroom and into his seat. He slouches down in his seat, trying to go unnoticed before looking down at his back and realizing what Rich was referring to earlier. He had written ‘BOYF’ on Jeremy’s backpack in big block letters. Briefly, Jeremy wonders who has the last part of what was obviously supposed to be the word ‘Boyfriend’ but the teacher calls the class to order and he forces himself to focus on the topic at hand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back again with ch 2. my helpful beta is here (but sadly still waiting on their invite to ao3) So this is just scene two. And it's super dialogue heavy, so for that I apologize.

Jeremy did not feel ready for play practice. Michael found him wavering outside the doors to the auditorium. He was pacing back and forth in front of the doors, running his hand through his hair. Michael strolled up to him and grabbed his arm lightly . 

“Hey, you don’t have to do this,” his voice is earnest and then his soft smile turns into a smirk, “I mean, that doesn’t mean I won’t mock you forever if you don’t” 

Jeremy groans and resumes his pacing. “I can do this.” He nods decisively and Michael grins at him.

“That’s the spirit! Now go in there and woo Christine!” Michael shoves him through the doors. 

“Right, Christine…” Jeremy sighs and runs his hand through his hair one last time before stepping fully into the auditorium. Christine was standing under the lights on the stage. She looked beautiful. He approached her cautiously. “Hey!” He makes his voice loud enough for her to hear, but it ends up coming out all high-pitched and he grimaces to himself.

“Hey,” she says idly, not really paying him much attention.

“Is-um-is this where we’re supposed t-to meet for the play practice?” He curls in on himself slightly when Christine finally gives him her full attention.

“Nah, this is where the swim team meets, get with the program dude,” she’s grinning until she sees his face and decides to quickly amend her statement. “I’m kidding. Yeah, this is where play practice meets. We’ve been kinda short in drama club lately so it might just be us?” She looks around him to the doors.

“I’m-um-I’m Jeremy.” He finally says, holding his hand out awkwardly for her to shake. 

“Christine.” She seems less than enthused about the prospect of shaking his hand. Jeremy looks down and realizes that his palm was sweating rather profusely. “Are you okay?” She tilts her head to the side a little, examining him.

“Oh yeah, I’m totally fine. I always-um…” he trails off for a second, “I always sweat this much. It’s actually a medical condition. It’s called hyperhidrosis. Not that I have it. I just-um-sorry.” 

She actually looks almost amused as she daintily shakes his hand. “So you’re just nervous right? This is your first time, huh?” 

“My f-first time, what, exactly?” 

“Being in a play! It’s amazing. You never forget your first time. It’s incredible. Being here is incredible. It’s the light of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Something about being someone else for a little while is magical. You don’t have to worry about your problems or anything, you just get to be. It’s just incredible. I’ve done so many plays and musicals, it gives me something to live for--not that I’m looking for reasons to not live, I didn’t mean it like that, but, well, you get what I mean, don’t you, Jeremy?” She’s looking up at him, blinking her doe eyes and Jeremy thinks he might just like Michael’s eyes a little bit better, scratch that, a lot better. 

“R-right. D-definitely.” He nods, despite having no idea why Christine was so infatuated with theatre. 

Christine looks at her watch. “Well, I guess it really is just us,” she had just shrugged when the door bangs open. Jake, Rich, Jenna, Brooke, and Chloe barge into the auditorium. 

“Holy fuck, how long has this been here?” Jake’s voice carries across the auditorium and Jeremy finds himself stifling a laugh. 

Jake never gets an answer because the drama teacher, Mr Reyes, steps onto the stage behind Jeremy and Christine. He looks slightly pleased at the appearance of Christine, less so with Jeremy, but when his eyes land on the group of five standing behind them, his lips turn down in disgust. “Oh good, the popular kids have arrived.” He sighs deeply as the so-called ‘Popular Kids’ share a look amongst themselves. 

“I am Mr Reyes, I teach drama, but it’s far more likely you know me from my full time job at Hobby Lobby.” He pauses for dramatic effect, and nods gratefully when Jake and Rich clap overzealously. “Yes, yes, thank you. Now I’ve been dreaming of the day when I could stage Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream!” He was flailing his hands all around while he’s talking. Christine perks up at his words, but her hopes are quickly dashed as Mr Reyes continues speaking. “Today that dream dies!” 

Christine looks horrified. 

“And is reborn! Just different, some might even hazard to say better! We need to make theatre popular or else the Frisbee Golf Team will take our money! Can you believe it! Frisbee Golf! Nonetheless, I have a plan for success! Rather than being set in a pastoral forest, it will be set in the post apocalyptic future! Rather than faeries, people will be fleeing--from zombies!” As he was speaking Christine’s face became more and more horrified and disgusted. 

“Don’t you have any respect for Shakespeare? His works are classics!” Christine is indignant.

Mr Reyes waves his hand dismissively, “The man is dead, let it go.” Christine shifts all her weight to one leg and crosses her arms. “We are not going to take a Hot Pocket break because I’m hungry.” He jumps from the stage and leaves the auditorium. The ‘Popular Kids’ follow him all cheering about how easy play practice was. Just as Jeremy was turning back to Christine, Jake sidles up next to her. Jeremy narrows his eyes. 

“Hey,” Jake says. He raises and lowers his eyebrows at her quickly. “You were in that play last year, right?” He steps slightly closer to her and she makes no move to step away. 

“Romeo and Juliet?” Christine is smiling slightly and Jeremy rolls his eyes and exhales harshly through his nose.

“Yeah! You were that dead girl! What was her name?” Jake is grinning widely and nodding his head slightly. Jeremy thinks that he looks like a bobblehead. 

“Juliet?” Christine’s smile is soft and she bites her lower lip. 

“Yeah. That was really sad. Can I say something stupid?” He wrinkles his nose slightly and both Jeremy and Christine are surprised at his change in demeanor. 

“Sure, I’m sure it’s not as stupid as you think.” She reassures him and lightly rests her hand on his arm. Jeremy rolls his eyes. He can’t believe this. Everything Jake says is stupid, he thinks to himself. 

“Watching you die in that, I was like, really sad. It totally changed my outlook on life. I was so glad when you got up at the end for your victory dance.” Jake is biting his lip and looking through his lashes at Christine. Jeremy wants to gag. He groans. Jake and Christine ignore him. 

“It’s a bow, and I’m glad you liked it.” She’s smiling brightly now as she fidgets with the straps on her backpack. 

“I’m glad you’re not really dead,” Jake says it with a joking tone in his voice. “I’m Jake.” He holds his hand out for Christine to shake. She takes his hand daintily. 

“I...I know. I’m Christine.” She smiles and pushes her hair behind her ear. 

“So a bunch of us are going out after practice today. You should totally join us. What’s the line… ‘Parting is such sweet…’” he trails off uncertainly.

“Sorrow,” Christine supplies helpfully.

“Right!” He grins at her one more time before turning to Jeremy. “Hey nerd someone wrote ‘BOYF’ on your backpack.” Jake waves at Christine before leaving the auditorium. 

“So-uh-I heard this thing, on-on the Discovery Channel.” Jeremy starts, trying to gain Christine’s attention. 

“I’m sorry, were you talking to me?” She turns to look at him and he frowns slightly. 

“Nope, just forget about it.” He shrugs despondently and leaves Christine alone in the auditorium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, tumblr (jasnahkholin) I live for that shit. It literally makes my day. 
> 
> Also, I prob won't be able to update again till thursday b/c i actually made it, and i'm graduating. Who would've thought? 
> 
> Ch 3 is mostly written but not finished or edited so as soon as I get like an hour of down time I'll finish and post it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is basically just scene 3. I hope I'm doing Rich justice. Sorry this chapter took so long, life has been nuts! I should have the next chapter up in the next few days.  
> (Remember, comments, kudos, tumblr, i live for them!)  
> Thank you all for your lovely comments! It makes my day reading them and getting the emails about kudos!

Jeremy was in the bathroom trying to scrub the ‘BOYF’ off his backpack when the door bangs open. “HEY” He jumps at the sound of Rich’s voice and studiously avoids looking at him. 

“I told you not to wash that off.” Rich was breathing down Jeremy’s neck at this point. 

“Wh-where’s my homework Rich?” Jeremy tries--and slightly fails--to keep the tremors from his voice. 

Rich ignores his question in favor of shoving Jeremy so that they were face-to-face. “Hey I’m talking to you tall-ass.” His breath reeks and Jeremy wrinkles his nose. Rich was staring up into his face, looking like he was ready to take a swing. 

“Why do you keep calling me that? I’m not even that tall!” Jeremy’s voice cracks at the end and Rich laughs as he steps back, heading towards the urinals. 

“You could be, if you weren’t all hunched over all the time.” He laughs like there was a joke that Jeremy just didn’t understand. “I mean--it’s really pathetic. Just like how you’re trying to sneak off right now.” 

Jeremy pauses, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “I-I wasn’t.” Despite the book bag he was holding, Jeremy holds his hands in front of himself in a placating gesture until he realizes that Rich wasn’t paying him any attention. He was twitching and staring intensely at a spot on the wall, muttering to himself. His head jerks to the side and Jeremy starts to back away again. 

“Don’t move.” Rich’s voice left no room for argument. He whirls around snarling. Jeremy freezes, his back against the door. He’s clutching his bag in a death grip, and the only thought running through his head was Oh God, I’m going to die and Michael is never going to know how I feel. Rich moving towards him jerks Jeremy out of his thoughts. “You don’t remember me freshman year, do you?” There a slight catch in his voice when he says ‘freshman’.

“Uh, you didn’t go here freshman year?” Jeremy furrows his brows. Rich’s fist pounds on the wall right next to his head and his knees buckle in response. Rich laughs viciously.

“I did! You just didn’t notice! No one did! I was a fucking nobody. Just. Like. You.” He gets in Jeremy’s face. “Oh God, Freshman year was horrible. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I had no idea how to talk to people. I was depressed. Every member of the opposite sex thought I was disgusting. I wasn’t getting any action. I was suicidal. Then…” he pauses and Jeremy looks at him confused, “I got a SQUIP.”

“You got quick?” He looks confused and very unconvinced. 

Rich rolls his eyes. “Not quick, dumbass. A SQUIP.” He over-enunciates the last word and Jeremy has to resist the urge to sneer at him in response. 

“I’ve just never heard of it before.” 

“Oh what, like you know everything? Please. It’s some top-secret-can’t-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet-shit. It’s from Japan.” Rich says this like it’s something that makes it the most incredible thing on the planet. “It’s a grey oblong pill with quantum nanotechnology.” Jeremy doesn’t think he’s ever heard Rich use such large words in such quick succession before. “The quantum computer in the pill enters your bloodstream and travels through your veins until it gets to your brain where it implants itself and then it tells you what to do.” He’s smiling like a madman

“That is not even remotely possible.” Jeremy is pressed up against the wall, as far away from Rich as he can get. Before Jeremy had opened his mouth, Rich had been pacing around the bathroom, waving his arms maniacally, but Jeremy’s comment drew his attention. 

“Shut up tall ass.” He stalks over to where Jeremy was cowering and attempts to do his best to tower over him. He grabs Jeremy and shoves him down a bit so they were eye-to-eye before his eyes widen and he steps back a few feet. “Sorry, old habits die hard. I only treated you like shit because my SQUIP said I had to. But now he’s saying you might be okay.” He nods to himself. “He said you might want a SQUIP of your own.” 

Jeremy ponders it for a moment, wondering what it would be like to be cool enough for Michael to think of him as more than a friend. “So it’s like...drugs?” He whispers the last part and Rich barks out a laugh.

“Oh it’s better than drugs, Jeremy.” Rich’s voice is condescending as he looks at Jeremy like people look at little kids who say something really dumb. “It’s a nanosized quantum computer for your brain. The SQUIP talks to you directly, in real time. It tells you what to do and say to make you cool. Imagine if no one cared that you were late because even teachers think you’re great! Or if your weekend were constantly booked with parties and full of teenage rock-star splendor.” His joyous face quickly changes to something more vicious, “But right now you’re hopeless, helpless, and weak. But, if you take my advice and just give me six-hundred dollars, you could go from sad to interesting to hip and your whole life will get exponentially better. All you need is a SQUIP.” 

Jeremy looks unconvinced. “I’m supposed to give you, my high school bully, six hundred dollars?”

“I’ve got a hook-up at payless. It’s worth it. Bring me the money Monday and you can even come with me to get it.” He nods as he moves past Jeremy to the door.

“Aw man, aren’t you gonna wash your hands?” Jeremy’s nose was wrinkled in disgust. 

Rich laughs a full-bellied laugh, “You know what you need? A SQUIP. Monday. Bring the money. You can be cool, Jeremy.” The last sentence is delivered with ominous certainty. 

Michael might actually like me if I were cool. I’m so awkward he couldn’t possibly like me right now. It would be nice to have someone tell me how to talk and act so that I’m not such a loser. I could be with Michael and be so cool that no one would dare make fun of us. Jeremy’s wrapped in his thoughts as he shuffles from the bathroom, the ‘BOYF’ still very apparent on his bag.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's my apology for the last chapter that was short garbage by a chapter thats just long garbage.  
> my friend was reading this just saying 'jeremy das gay' for basically this whole chapter so buckle up kiddies.  
> (Thanks for all the comments and Kudos! i'm glad you guys like the story so far! prepare yourselves tho, bc the angst is coming and I can't wait to (hopefully) ruin your lives. I mean that in the most loving way possible of course!)

Michael found Jeremy after play practice and suggested that they do something together, claiming that ‘this stupid play was taking over your life’. Jeremy had laughed and easily conceded. They were currently sitting in Jeremy’s room playing video games. Michael was sprawled across the bed and Jeremy was leaning against the foot of it, sitting on the ground. Every so often Michael would launch himself nearly off the end of the bed in a fit of passion, hoping that it would help them win. 

One of the times this happened, his arms ended up on either side of Jeremy’s head. Jeremy froze, trying not to seem too content with the fact that Michael’s chin was resting gently on his shoulder. 

“Jeremy! What’re you doing!? We were winning!” Michael’s voice is loud in his ear as he frantically punches buttons on his controller. Jeremy shakes himself and focuses back on the game just as a hoard of zombies starts to overtake them. He rushes to get back and starts to lean forward but is quickly caught by Michael’s arms that were still wrapped around his shoulders. He bites his lip and instead pulls his knees up to his chest. 

They beat the level and Jeremy lets out a sigh. Michael scoots back on the bed and Jeremy finds himself missing the contact. “Alright Jer, tell me what’s up with you?” He pauses the game and sits up, waiting for Jeremy to turn around.

“Rich, h-he, uh, cornered me in th-the bathroom today.” He doesn’t look up, studying the carpet intently. 

Michael looks at him concerned. He tries to bend down to look at Jeremy’s face, “Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” Jeremy chews on his bottom lip and fidgets with the cuffs of his shirt.

“He, um, he told me not to wash some writing off my backpack. And I-I was. He told me to stop. Then, um, h-he started twitching and t-talking to himself. H-he claims he has this th-thing called a SQUIP that made him cool. He s-said I could--h-he said that I could h-have one too. That it would make me c-cool. That-that all it would take is s-six hundred dollars. I, uh, I’m thinking about d-doing it.” He still wasn’t looking at Michael, who barked out a harsh laugh.

“I’m sorry dude but he’s gotta be scamming you.” Despite his laugh, Michael wasn’t smiling. Jeremy chances a look at him before quickly jerking his eyes back down to the floor. “Hey,” he leans down again, trying to draw Jeremy’s eyes. Jeremy finally concedes and is greeted by his signature wide grin. “You’re cooler than a vintage cassette, it’s just that no one else is smart enough to notice.” He tilts his head to the side slightly and Jeremy wants to--well, he doesn’t know what he wants, but he wants to do something. A few seconds too late he realizes that he’s been staring, and that Michael had noticed. 

“I, uh, thanks, man,” he stutters, raking his hand through his hair as he jerks his eyes away from Michael’s vicinity. He misses Michael’s grin in response.

“Can I ask a question? Scam or not, why do you need to be cooler? Don’t take this the wrong way but it’s just high school, and you’ve got me. We’re a team. We’ve got matching tattoos for fucks sake.” His tone and his grin are jovial and Jeremy can’t help but return them with a grin of his own as his eyes drift to Michael’s arm where he knows the aforementioned pacman tattoo resided. “Not to mention, guys like us are cool in college. Being cool in high school doesn’t mean shit for the rest of your life. Those jocks will always be reliving the ‘glory days’. And yeah it’s hell right now, but you and I are here together so it’s not that bad, right?” Despite the passion in his voice when he talked about the rest of their lives, Michael seemed horribly insecure when it came to high school being bearable. 

“Obviously. You’re the only thing that makes life bearable, but it’s like being stuck on a video game level and I’d really just like to move on. It’s like that level right before the final trial, or right before the hero gets the love interest, but if I’m constantly stuck here, none of that happens. I want to be the hero. I want to get the perfect significant other. I just want them to notice me, I don’t even care if they like me back at this point! I just--” he trails off when he sees the look Michael was giving him. Fuck. Did I say too much? He probably knows. You’re such a dumbass Jeremy. Now Michael knows you like him and he’s going to leave you forever because you’re just a creepy weirdo and you’re just supposed to be best friends and now look at what you’ve done. You’ve. Ruined. Everything. 

“Earth to Jeremy.” Michael is looking at him questioningly, waving a hand in front of his face. “Are you okay man?” He wrinkles his nose. “I take that back. You’re obviously not okay. What’s the matter?” 

Jeremy flops backwards onto the floor. “Sorry Mike, I’m just having a day, that’s all.” He sighs deeply and dramatically throws his arm over his eyes. “I don’t really want to talk about it.” 

“Okay, whatever you say. But you can’t bring up your crush and not tell me who it is. Who’s the ‘them’ who you’re basically in love with?” He’s moved to lay next to Jeremy on the floor. “It’s obviously not Christine…” Jeremy sits in silence, waiting to see who else Michael would guess. 

“JEREMY?” 

His face goes ashen when his father’s shout echos to his room. Please let him be wearing pants today. 

“JEREMY WHERE ARE YOU?” His father’s voice was closer this time. He prepares himself for the inevitable. “JEREMY ARE YOU IN THERE WITH A GIRL?” His father’s voice was right outside the door this time. The door swings open to reveal Jeremy’s father, who was, in fact, not wearing pants. “Oh it’s Michael.” He doesn’t look surprised in the least to find Michael and Jeremy sprawled next to each other on the ground. 

“Hey Mr Heere,” Michael says, offering a half-hearted wave from his place on the floor. 

“I was thinking of ordering pizza, do you boys--”

“Dad, did you even get dressed today?” Jeremy looks like a disappointed parent. 

“Well, not exactly, no. But the office didn’t need me so…” He looks down at his bare legs before shrugging. 

“Normal people wear pants at home.” It comes out as a sigh.

“Well, normal people aren’t your father.” He purses his lips, frowning, looking at Jeremy like that was the most obvious thing in the world. “So do you want anything special on your pizza or not?” 

Jeremy defers to Michael, despite knowing what he liked on pizza. 

“No thanks Mr Heere. We’ll just take our normal order.” Michael answers, sitting up and leaning back on his hands. Jeremy’s father leaves and Jeremy turns to face Michael. He starts to apologize and Michael waves a hand in the air, effectively cutting him off. “Don’t worry about it. How’s he doing anyways?”

Jeremy snorts. “How the fuck does it look?” His expression mirroring the one his father worse moments ago. 

Michael holds his hands up in a placating gesture, “point taken. Have you heard from her?” He doesn’t have to elaborate on who he’s talking about for Jeremy to understand. 

“Obviously not. She’s too cool for us. She’s moved on.” His voice is bitter as he rolls his eyes and Michael hesitantly pulls him into a hug. He easily melts into the embrace and thanks any higher power who might’ve been listening for Michael. 

“She’s missing out. Hey, if you really want to go check out that squid thing or whatever it’s called we can just go check it out ourselves.” He’s almost half smiling when he pulls back to look at Jeremy.

“It’s a SQUIP, and really? You’d r-really go with me to ch-check it out?” He rubs the back of his neck and wrinkles his nose.

“Of course. Why does this mean so much to you dude?” 

“I don’t want to end up l-like him!” Jeremy throws his arm towards the door and scrubs his eyes angrily. “I don’t want this to be my future!” He sniffles and throws himself back onto the ground.

“Jer. Jeremy.” Michael pauses for a moment to see if he’s going to respond. He doesn’t. “Jeremiah, look at me right now.” At Michael’s serious tone and use of his full name he sits up looking at Michael skeptically. “You aren’t your father. You’re Jeremy. You’re my best friend. You’re insanely cool. And anyone would be lucky to date or marry you. You don’t need this SQUIP to make you cool.” His voice is soft. “So if we go check out this guy, and for some weird reason it’s legit, and you become cool, would you be too cool for video games?” 

“Fuck no. Never. Th-that would never happen. You’re my favorite person, I’ll n-never be too cool f-for you.” He doesn’t look at Michael as he’s speaking, trying to hide the blush that was creeping towards his ears. 

“I’m really your favorite person?” Michael sounds surprised. His eyebrows are raised and there’s an unreadable expression on his face. 

“Obviously douche-wad. We’re a team.” Jeremy grins as he pulls out his keys with the dorky ‘player 1’ keychain. He and Michael had bought them at the mall a few years ago, laughing when they saw the couples keychain and not caring when the clerk looked at them weirdly as they tossed the set on the counter. Most of the paint was chipped off by now, but it was by far one of Jeremy’s favorite possessions. Michael grins at him and stands.

“Well, if we’re going to go check out this guy, no time like the present.” He offers a hand to help Jeremy stand, pleased when Jeremy returns his smile and grabs his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is really short, but I'm working on the next one right now. 
> 
> I can't believe that I've gotten 100 kudos on this story and so many nice comments. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think of this latest chapter!

Michael and Jeremy were standing outside the Payless in the mall, silently arguing about who should go in first. Eventually Michael sighs and walks in. He sees a shady looking guy lurking in the back of the store so he elbows Jeremy. “I think that’s your guy, man.” 

They stop a few feet away from him and have another silent argument until Michael pushes him forward with a slightly encouraging look. 

“I, um, l-like y-your sideburns. W-wolverene, right?” 

Michael internally facepalms.

“Show me the money.” The stock boy steps closer to them and Jeremy has to resist the urge to back up. The only thing that keeps him from turning tail and running is Michael’s steady presence at his back. “For the SQUIP dumbass.” 

“How, um, how did you know why, um, why I was here?” Jeremy wants to reach back and grab Michael’s hand but he doesn’t, assuming that Michael probably wouldn’t appreciate that. 

“How is that even a legitimate question? Look at you kid.” The stock boy looks bored. “So did you bring the four hundred or not?” 

“I-I brought i-it. W-wait, f-four hundred?” He looks over his shoulder at Michael, a question plainly written across his face. Michael just nudges him forward again and nods at the stock boy. “R-right.” He fishes out the money from his pocket, putting the extra two hundred back in his pocket. The stock boy takes it and counts it, nodding as he hands Jeremy a shoe box. “L-ladies s-shoes? B-but...I-I don’t underst-stand.” 

The stock boy sighs and opens the box to reveal a grey pill. “This is untested and slightly less than legal, hence the cash sales in the back of the Payless. That means I take no responsibility for what you might do with it, or what it might do with you.” He rattles off the speech like it’s something he’s done a million times before. 

“Um, what it might do wi--”

“Take it with mountain dew, that’s what activates it, I don’t know why. Oh, and this is important--” he stops talking when Jenna sweeps into the store. “I’M SOLD OUT” he barks. 

She jumps and looks around, “Of shoes?” 

“Oh you’re here for shoes.” At his words, Jenna looks around confused. He turns to Jeremy, “Scram.” 

“W-wait. Y-you were saying s-something important.” Jeremy was leaning back against Michael slightly, needing more than just moral support. 

“Oh. Uh. All sales are final.” The stock boy turns away, dismissing them. “So we just got in these killer heels. They’re wedges and brightly colored. What’re you looking for?” His demeanor completely changes as he addresses Jenna. 

Jeremy turns to look at Michael who shrugs in response. “You wanna go find some mountain dew?” 

Jeremy shrugs half-heartedly and follows Michael from the store.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up kiddies, the angst train is here  
> (at least i hope it is, you guys can tell me if this is as angsty as i think it is)

Jeremy and Michael were sitting at a table in the food court, an unopened Mountain Dew and the shoe box between them. Jeremy sighs and picks up the grey pill. “I hope you’re worth four hundred dollars.” He bites his lip, turning the pill in his hands.

“Four hundred and one,” Michael pipes up helpfully, “don’t forget about the Mountain Dew.” He’s smiling slightly to show that he’s mostly kidding.

“Do you think it will work? If this works, everything will change.” He pauses for a moment, thinking. “We should split it. Even when I’m cool, we’re still going to be a team.” Jeremy is determinedly not looking at Michael, staring at the pill.

“I’m not sure that’s quite how it works. Plus this way when you’re cool, you’ll owe me.” He’s grinning at Jeremy, waiting to see what happens. Jeremy sighs and pops the pill in his mouth, washing it down with the Mountain Dew. Michael studies him intently. Nothing happens. “Well, do you feel any different? You don’t really look any different.” He leans across the table and grabs Jeremy’s arm when the table starts to tilt and put him off balance.

“I feel like a chump.” Jeremy wrinkles his nose and looks down at the shoe box forlornly.

“Are you sure you don’t feel any different? Say something cool.” He leans back in his seat, finally releasing Jeremy’s arm.

“I just blew my bar mitzvah money on a wintergreen tic-tac.” He dramatically throws his arms and head down on the table. Michael laughs and Jeremy hears his chair push back from the table. When he looks up Michael had disappeared into the crowd. “Fucking perfect. Now my best friend doesn’t even want to be around me,” He pouts, putting his head back on his arms. A few moments later the chair across from him scrapes back again. “Fuck off,” he mutters, not lifting his head.

“If that’s really what you want. I’ll just take my chili cheese fries and go…” the smile is evident in Michael’s voice. Jeremy jerks his head up and is greeted by a giant plate of chili cheese fries topped with bacon.

“I-I, um, I thought you, um, left, that you, um, l-left me.” He picks at the edge of the fry pile, cursing himself for his inability to just be normal.

“I would never leave you. I just went to go get chilli fries. I know they cheer you up so I wanted to do something to help.” Michael plays it off like it’s no big deal, but Jeremy’s heart nearly explodes. He’s smiling at Michael, one of his rare, completely real smiles. “Okay dude, despite the fact I said I’d never leave, I have to go meet this guy at Spencer’s, he’s hooking me up with a case of crystal pepsi. But we can meet right here after? Go play some Apocalypse of the Damned?”

“Sure. And wasn’t that discontinued in like the 90s?” Jeremy’s brows are furrowed as he looks up from the giant pile of fries.

“That’s what makes it so cool.” Michael looks at him like that’s the most obvious thing on the planet.

“Oh, okay. Well, just leave me here to mourn in my chili fries forever.” He petulantly shoves a handful of fries in his mouth as Michael stands back up.

“I’ll see you later dude. Sorry about the tic-tac thing. But, if it means anything, you’re really cool to me.” He pats Jeremy on the shoulder as he heads to Spencer’s without waiting for a reply.

Jeremy pouts, shoving more fries into his mouth. No sooner than he had a giant mouthful, Christine and Jake walked into the food court. He looks forlornly at the now smaller plate of fries before picking it up and crossing the room to where Christine and Jake were standing. He catches just the tail end of their conversation.

“--fused, so the rest of the cast isn’t coming?” Christine was blinking up at Jake, her face full of innocent misunderstanding.

“No… I figured we could get to know each other. There’s this one place here, it’s probably my favorite place in the whole universe. They--”

“Hey guys!” Jeremy says overzealously. Jake’s face falls as Christine turns to Jeremy, smiling.

“Hey Jeremy! Have you been there long? I didn’t notice you before.”

“Yeah he’s kinda hard to notice,” Jake sneers. Christine either doesn’t notice or just ignores his tone. “Anyways, like I was saying, they let you pick--”

Jeremy cuts him off again, “Christine, th-there’s someth-thing I need to t-tell you.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “Right now? Because we were kinda--”

He’s cut off by Jeremy once again, but this time Jeremy is holding his head and nearly screaming.

Then a voice bounces around inside his head. ' _Target Female Inaccessible'_

Jeremy can’t hear anything clearly, just some muffled sounds. He must be lying on the ground. Christine is kneeling next to him, her hair frames her face nicely. He had just regained the ability to breathe when another bolt of pain shoots through his body. “What the hell?” it’s meant to be a shout but it comes out as barely a whisper.

Then that voice is back, ‘ _Calibration in process, please excuse some mild discomfort’_. Jeremy doesn’t know where it’s coming from, but it seems like it’s inside his head.

“MILD?!”

Christine jumps back from him and he gathers that he must’ve spoken aloud. A small circle had gathered around the three teens. Most of the faces were blurry, and Jeremy wondered just what he had managed to get himself into.

“Dude, the freak’s freakin out!” Jake’s voice is full of awkward laughter.

‘ _Calibration Complete. Access procedure initiated.’_

Jeremy shakes his head, trying to clear it. “No, wait, I’m fine rea--”

‘ _Discomfort level may increase.’_ Is the only warning Jeremy gets before a sharper bolt of pain lances through his body. He tries to grab his head but finds that he lost most control of his motor functions. He spasms in pain, his scream growing more and more shrill.

Christine looks at Jake helplessly, silently begging him to do something. Jake looks around confused before bending down and scooping Jeremy up, looking to Christine for direction. She starts off down the hall and the crowd parts around them. They get to an alcove by a set of bathrooms and Jake sets Jeremy down.

“Is he dying?” he looks at Christine. She looks down at Jeremy, frowning.

“I don’t know. Can you go get help or something?” Her frown deepens.

“Yeah, sure. Stay right at the end of the hallway and wait for me to come back. I don’t want him to like freak out and hit you or something. Okay?” He frowns as he looks from Jeremy to Christine. She nods and follows him to the mouth of the alcove.

‘ _Accessing: Neural Memory. Accessing: Muscle Memory. Access procedure complete._ ’ A man--Michael--pops up in front of him. The wolfish grin on his face is nothing like the happy, carefree smile Michael normally wore.

“Michael?” Jeremy struggles to stand, wondering where Michael had appeared from.

_‘Jeremy Heere, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor._ ’ Michael’s lips were moving, but it wasn’t exactly Michael’s voice. He cleared his throat. ‘ _Your SQUIP.’_ When he continues speaking the voice matches Michael’s.

“Wh--how--Can anyone else see you?” He finally settles on a question as he staggers to his feet. This Michael--the SQUIP Michael, doesn’t offer him a hand, not like his Michael would.

‘ _I exist solely in your mind. So what everyone else sees is you, having a very energetic conversation, with yourself. Try thinking at me instead_.’

“This is just like X-Men!” Jeremy says excitedly. The SQUIP facepalms. “I have to--” The SQUIP holds out its arm, blocking Jeremy’s path.

‘ _I can see this is going to be difficult_.' The SQUIP interrupts him. ' _You need to be more chill_.’

“Do y-you mean c-cool?” Jeremy internally curses his stutter.

‘ _No. I see the rules that bind social interaction, my job is to pass those rules to you. In doing so, I will shape your personality to make you “cool”.’_

Jeremy looked at the SQUIP like it was insane. Then a movement out of the corner of his eye catches his attention. Christine was standing at the entrance to the hallway, staring at Jeremy like he was the crazy one. He grins at her before pushing past her and into the flow of traffic.

“Jeremy! Wait a second!” She tries to follow them but the large mass of people allows Jeremy to blend in and become lost in the crowd.

‘ _Take your hands out of your pockets._ ’ The SQUIP appears next to him, walking like a model. ‘ _And you need to swagger more or you’ll look like a mastorbater_.’ The SQUIP looks down upon Jeremy and he’s struck suddenly by the realization that Michael was taller than him.

‘ _But I am a mastorbater…_ ‘Jeremy thinks back at him, wondering if he did it right.

‘ _We’ll fix that.’_ The SQUIP replies ominously. ‘ _All your nerdiness is ugly_.’ The SQUIP’s--Michael’s--face twists into a sneer and Jeremy’s heart starts to crack.

‘ _I always th-thought I was m-more of a geek.’_ He berates himself internally because even when he’s thinking at the SQUIP he stutters.

‘ _All your stammering’s a chore.’_ The sneer turns into a snarl and Jeremy bites his lip. Michael--his Michael--the real Michael--would never say something like that to him; he knew Jeremy hated the fact that he stuttered, that Jeremy was incredibly insecure about it. ‘ _Your relentless fidgeting needs to stop. Your charm is nonexistent. I can see I’ve got my work cut out for me with you._ ’

It would be easier for Jeremy to block out the words if they weren’t coming from Michael’s mouth, if he weren’t hearing them in Michael’s voice.

‘ _Everything about you is just terrible. Everything about you makes me want to die_.’ The SQUIP spits the words and Jeremy stops dead. Those were not words he ever wanted to hear in Michael’s voice. Michael was his rock, the only thing that kept him from drowning in the river of life. To have the one person he could count on unconditionally say something like that to him, it started to break Jeremy, in ways he wasn’t sure he could put back together.

“Jesus Christ.” He mutters to himself, trying to remind himself that this definitely wasn’t Michael. Unsure of what to do with his hands, he starts to shove them in his pockets. He stops when a sharp electric shock ricochets down his arms. “Ow!”

‘ _Don’t resist Jeremy. It won’t work. I have the ability to alter your behavior either with or without your cooperation.’_

Jeremy takes his hands out of his pockets and starts to adapt his ‘survival’ position that consisted of a severe slouch and his head nearly tucked into his shoulders. Another electric shock shoots down his spine, forcing him to stand up straight. ‘ _Did you just shock me?’_

‘ _I told you, I can alter your behavior with or without your cooperation. Now, first things first, go buy a new shirt.’_ The SQUIP was sneering at him, looking at him like he was a piece of gum stuck on the bottom of their shoe. It was unnerving seeing that expression on Michael’s face, especially because it was directed at him.

‘ _What’s the matter with my shirt?_ ’ It was a shirt Michael had bought for him, he’d had it for years, it was one of his favorites. He grabbed the hem and pulled it down slightly, his shoulders curving in with insecurity.

‘ _Don’t question me. Just comply.’_ Suddenly his feet are moving, carrying him into a store he’s never been in before. ‘ _Pick that one’_ the SQUIP raises his arm and then Jeremy is holding a shirt he would never wear in his right mind.

‘ _Is that Eminem? Do people even listen to Eminem anymore?_ ’

‘ _Listen, I’m a supercomputer, if you think you’re more astute than I am, you pick a shirt_.’ The SQUIP raised their eyebrows in a challenge. Jeremy made a face at them before wandering around the store. He picks a striped sweater and holds it up for the SQUIP to inspect.

‘ _That’s a girl’s shirt, dipshit._ ’ They pause for a moment, looking around the store. Shoppers from their immediate vicinity migrate to form a circle around them. ‘ _Everything about you is terrible. Everything about you makes me want to die. Everything about you sucks. Everyone thinks you’re such a slob. Look at you snivelling, crying, all because the truth is coming from the boy you fancy yourself in love with_.’

As the SQUIP hurls insults at Jeremy the crowd parrots them back at him. The tears streaking down his cheeks only get worse as they keep talking. He scrubs at his face angrily and slams the shirt back on the hanger.

“Jerry?” Chloe’s voice startles him.

“It’s Jeremy actually.” His stutter is gone.

‘ _Greet the beta,’_ The SQUIP’s voice invades his thoughts.

“H-Hey Brooke,” he sighs. His stutter is back.

‘ _You look sexy,’_ The SQUIP nudges him from behind, which is interesting because his form is intangible.

‘ _I CAN’T SAY THAT TO A PRETTY GIRL!_ ’ Jeremy argues back. The SQUIP looks at him pointedly.

‘ _Speak as if you don’t care about your own death, since we both know you don’t.’_ The words strike home with Jeremy. He takes a deep breath.

“Lookin pretty sexy Brooke,” Jeremy says, much more suavely than he thought it would come out. The SQUIP even adds an eyebrow waggle to make it more ‘authentic’.

“Thanks,” Brooke says, smiling and blushing.

“What did that shirt do to you?” Chloe peers around him at the item of clothing in question. “Wait a second, is that a girl’s shirt?” She and Brooke step back from him as if he had the plague.

“No,” he laughs nervously.

_‘Yes_ ’

“Yes,” Jeremy quickly amends.

‘ _Repeat after me… I saw it in the window and I couldn’t dismiss…_ ’ The SQUIP trails off, waiting for him to repeat the words.

Jeremy does as instructed, letting the SQUIP guide him through spinning a delicate web of lies.

‘ _I was dating a girl, and she had a shirt just like this._ ’

When Jeremy repeats the words back to Chloe and Brooke, surprise is evident on their faces.

_‘It’s still painful,’_ The SQUIP states the words blandly. Jeremy adds a little flare to the words when he parrots them back.

“So, who was this mystery girl?” Chloe asks, smiling at him seductively.

“Uh, you probab--”

_‘Madeline.’_

“Madeline.” Jeremy internally cringes as he lets a sad look overtake his features.

“WHAT?!” Chloe’s shout of outrage draws the eyes of the shoppers near by.

“She’s French,” Jeremy adds, not knowing what else to say.

“No! She’s not! She just pretends to be for attention!” Chloe’s face is angry. Jeremy tries to mask his surprise, he had no idea there was this much hostility between Chloe and Madeline.

“Madeline broke up with you?” Brooke raised one eyebrow delicately as she crosses her arms and shifts all her weight to one leg.

‘I broke up with her, because she was cheating on me.’

Chloe becomes even more outraged at his words and she turns to Brooke. “I told you she was a slut!” Brooke puts her hand on Chloe’s arm.

“You’re better off without her Jeremy.” Brooke’s smiling at him consolingly.

“Obviously. Who does Madeline even think she is?” Chloe launches into a rant about Madeline’s many perceived flaws. Brooke does her best to quell the onslaught of foul names that Chloe was using to describe Madeline.

_‘Uh wh-what just happened?’_ Jeremy keeps his eyes fixed on the two girls as he demands an explanation from his SQUIP.

_‘The enemy of my enemy, is my friend. Mutual hatred is the fastest formed social bond. You’re welcome…’_ They pause for a second, _‘Brooke is about to offer you a ride. It is imperative that you accept._ ’ The look they give Jeremy says that there will be hell to pay if he declines.

“Hey Jerry, we’re getting ready to head out, do you maybe want to come with us? I can give you a ride home.” She bites her lip and smiles softly.

_‘Say yes.’_ The SQUIP demands.

“Yes…” Jeremy starts out confidently, “but I’m--” suddenly it’s like his mouth is sealed shut. Brooke looks up at him and bats her eyes.

‘ _Jeremy you have to obey_.’

“C’mon Jerry, we’re going to stop for frozen yogurt then we can do whatever we want.” For some reason, Brooke’s flirting makes Jeremy’s skin crawl. Sure, he thought she was pretty, but he just wasn’t interested.

“I will, next time, I swear, but my friend, he’s waiting on me. I’m really sorry.” Jeremy is surprised he can say it all without the SQUIP shutting him up again. Brooke’s face falls. Chloe snorts and saunters off but Brooke hangs back for a moment. She pushes her hair behind her ear in a rare show of nervousness.

“One of my exes, he, um, he cheated on me so I guess I know how you feel?” She smiles up at him sadly before realizing that Chloe was calling her. “Au Revoir, Jeremy,” she says his name meaningfully, as if to say that she’s known it this whole time, but for some reason she wasn’t using it.

‘ _Oh. My. God. I have to find Michael!_ ’ Jeremy turns on his heel and looks around.

‘ _Michael left the mall 30 minutes ago Jeremy, you two were supposed to meet up outside of the food court but you were here instead._ ’ The SQUIP sounds overjoyed for some reason.

‘ _How do you know that?_ ’ Jeremy is getting pissed with this stupid SQUIP thing. The whole point of this thing was to make Michael like him back.

‘ _I can access the security cameras. I told you that accepting a ride from Brooke was imperative. You have to listen and obey when I talk to you. It’s the only way she will like you back._ ’ The SQUIP looks at Jeremy unimpressed.

_‘She?’_

_‘Christine. Obviously. The girl that you’re in love with._ ’ The SQUIP starts off down the walkway of the mall, clearly expecting Jeremy to follow.

‘ _Dude, that’s a schoolyard crush. What about Michael? He’s the one I actually care about._ ’ Jeremy was letting the crowd carry him, not really sure where to go since he didn’t have a ride home.

‘ _You. Love. Christine. Now you must repeat after me._ ’ They force Jeremy over to the wall. Having Michael’s face staring down at him, looking murderous, was an experience he never wanted to have again. _‘Everything about you is terrible.’_ They wait for Jeremy to repeat the words back.

He slumps his shoulders and curls in on himself. _‘Everything about me is terrible.’_

_‘Everything about you makes me want to die._ ’

_‘Everything about me makes me want to die.’_ Unbidden, a tear slips down his cheek. He’s not sure he can deal with Michael telling him he’s worthless and he wants to die.

‘ _Jesus, you’re such a goddamn baby. Crying about everything.’_ Michael--The SQUIP spits. It was getting hard for Jeremy to separate the two in his head. He knows Michael--the real Michael--His Michael--would never say this, but there was Michael’s face, his voice, saying these things, looking at him like he was garbage. He sniffles and his feet start to move of their own accord. Jeremy allows himself to drown in thoughts Michael had mostly helped him get rid of over the years.

Normally when he started having thoughts like this he would call Michael, and Michael would pull him back to the present, pull him out of his own head. This time it was Michael’s voice with which the insults were being hurled. The SQUIP finally appears to care. They put their arm around Jeremy’s shoulders.

‘ _Everything about you is going to be wonderful, and cool, and powerful_ ,’ they wipe Jeremy’s tears, even though it physically does nothing. Jeremy finds himself yearning for the real Michael. ‘ _Not a good idea,_ ’ The SQUIP chimes in. ‘ _You don’t need him, you have me._ ’ They’re smiling down at him now, less wolfishly, more like the smile he remembers.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you guys are loving the angst! It was great to wake up to all those lovely comments this morning.
> 
> Here's a short (and not exactly sweet) chapter. I should have chapter 8 up late tonight, but if not it'll be up tomorrow morning for sure!

It’s morning. Jeremy sits up and rests his head in his hands, wondering if yesterday was just some weird dream. 

 

_ ‘Uh, hello? Are you there? Or did I just dream you?’  _ He looks around, but there doesn’t appear to be any sign of Michael--The SQUIP--in his room. “Of course I made it up. Fucking figures.” He mutters as he stands and stretches his arms above his head. 

 

“Jeremy? Are you talking to yourself?” His father’s voice surprises him and he jumps slightly. 

 

“I, uh, yes…?” He shrugs slightly before remembering his father can’t hear him.  _ I guess this just means business as usual.  _ He grabs his laptop and settles on his bed. A quick glance at the clock on his bedside table tells him he might have time to watch just a bit of porn before he needs to actually get ready for school.

 

The page was just beginning to load when another shock shoots down his spine. “Ow! What the fuck?!”

 

_ ‘What did we say about masterbation?’  _ The SQUIP was back, standing at the foot of Jeremy’s bed, wearing a very condescending expression.

 

_ ‘I was just going to, uh, check my email.’  _ Jeremy smiles to himself slightly, considering that to be a “good save”.

 

_ ‘You can’t lie to me Jeremy--’ _

 

_ ‘That’s really fucking obvious. You’re wearing Michael’s face and if I ever actually lied to him the guilt would eat me alive.’  _

 

The SQUIP ignores his comment,  _ ‘We’re going to devise a system. Every time you think about sex, you have to do a pushup. That’ll get you in shape really quickly.’  _ They’re sneering as they look him up and down. It makes Jeremy feel like he needs to crawl under the covers and hide. 

 

Jeremy’s dad comes into the room. “Are you getting ready yet?” 

 

_ ‘Is that the source of your genetic material?’  _

 

Jeremy ignores the SQUIP. “Yes dad. I was just waking up for a second.” His dad nods definitively and leaves the room. The SQUIP shocks Jeremy again.  _ ‘Fuck. Fine. Yes that’s my dad. Jesus.’  _

 

_ ‘As I suspected. We’re going to have to double your pushups then.’  _ The SQUIP makes it sound like there’s no other alternative. Jeremy starts to reach for a pacman shirt but at the last second his arm veers towards the Eminem shirt he bought yesterday. The SQUIP doesn’t yield control of Jeremy’s motor functions until the shirt was on. 

 

_ ‘You see Jeremy, this way people at school will notice you, and with my help interacting with them, they’ll love you in no time. Christine is within reach!’  _ This SQUIP was very different from the one he interfaced with yesterday. It’s less verbally abrasive. Something about what the SQUIP said still bothered Jeremy though. 

 

_ ‘We went over this yesterday. I don’t really care about Christine.’  _

 

The SQUIP laughs viciously.  _ ‘Yes. You do. Michael thinks you’re gross and disgusting. He only hung out with you because he felt bad for you. Christine thinks you’re interesting.’  _

 

Jeremy shakes his head and rolls his eyes, trying to get the excess moisture to dissipate before he ends up crying for the third time in twenty-four hours.  _ ‘I don’t believe you.’  _ He’s frowning deeply and he sighs. 

 

_ ‘Forget about Michael. You’re on your way to being  _ cool.  _ Don’t you understand?’  _ The SQUIP gestures expansively as Jeremy enters the school and Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna wave at him. 

 

_ ‘I-I could be a c-cool guy. I-I m-might not be s-so left out.’  _ He waves back to the group of girls shyly, and runs right into Rich.

 

“Hey tall-ass. Where’s my money?” He’s snarling and Jeremy starts to take a few steps back but he finds that his feet won’t move.

 

_ ‘Is your p-plan to get me beat in-into a pulp?’  _

 

The SQUIP laughs,  _ ‘Up. Up. Down. Down. Left. Right. A.’  _

 

Rich’s eyes glaze over for a second. “Nice Dude! You got one!” He holds his hand out and after a few seconds it strikes Jeremy that he wants them to do some kind of “bro-handshake” as Michael had called them. 

 

“Y-yeah. Sorry man, I, uh, I meant to go through you but…” he lets himself trail off, not exactly sure what excuse he would offer Rich. 

 

“It’s cool, I mean don’t get me wrong, I coulda used the money...Things are kinda rough at home, if you know what I’m saying…” Rich’s smile drops and there’s a deeper sadness in his eyes than is being portrayed across his face. 

 

“Yeah… My, uh, my dad, h-he drinks too…” Jeremy barely keeps himself from furrowing his brows.  _ ‘Where did that come from?’  _

 

Rich just grins at him. “Fucking dads, right? But it’s not a big deal, he usually passes out by like nine. Hey you should come over we could play X-box or something. Did you know that with the SQUIP the only controller you need…” he pauses for dramatic effect, “is your mind!” He grins at Jeremy one more time before making his way across the hall to talk to Jake. 

 

_ ‘Uh, what was that all about?’  _ Jeremy turns and questions his SQUIP.

 

_ ‘I synced with his SQUIP. Now his desires are compatible with your own.’  _ They look incredibly pleased with themselves.

 

_ ‘And that makes him act like we’re friends…?’  _ Jeremy isn’t quite convinced.

 

_ ‘What is friendship besides a bond between two people. Just because your bond with Rich is artificially created doesn’t make it any less real.’  _

  
Jeremy nods slowly, looking around for Michael.  _ Weird,  _ he thinks. He was standing next to Michael’s locker and class was about to start and he hadn’t seen Michael all morning. Just as Jeremy was beginning to think about looking for him, his train of thought derails. He shrugs and makes his way to class.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> So this one is a shorter chapter but chapter nine should be longer again?  
> Thanks for all of your kind comments! (I can't say it enough!)

Christine was sitting alone, waiting for play rehearsal to start. Chloe sashays up to her, Brooke trailing behind her slightly. Jenna was sitting a few seats away, but at the appearance of Chloe and Brooke she looks up. 

Chloe gestures to the chair on Christine’s left, “is this seat taken?” 

“Um, yeah, actually…” She trails off when Chloe sits down anyways.

“Listen, Jenna Rolan says she saw you and Jake at the mall last night.” Chloe is glaring at her.

“Yeah, that’s actually who that seat is saved for.” Christine pushes her hair behind her ear awkwardly, looking around for an ally.

“You saved a seat for Jenna Rolan? But she’s sitting over there?” Chloe feigns ignorance, silently daring Christine to contradict her. “Listen honey, Jake isn’t coming.”

“Is he sick?” Christine grows concerned and Chloe makes a show of fake gagging at Brooke. 

“Oh no, he’s a t Model UN or where ever his fixation of the week is currently. You know how he is, always jumping from one thing to another.” She plays it off like good friends speaking, but it was clear that there was hostility lurking beneath the surface of her words. 

“I actually don’t know him all that well.” Christine starts looking for a way out.

“Well he likes trying new things, he just doesn’t tend to stick with them after he...tries them, if you know what I mean.” 

Christine wrinkles her nose. “We’re just friends.” The shock was evident on Chloe’s face. “Listen, I know you guys used to date, so if that’s what this is about…” she trails off. 

“Oh god no!” Chloe shrieks, offended. “Jake and I are totally over. I don’t care who he decides to whore around with.” Her lip curls up into a snarl. 

“Yeah. He’s so gross.” Brooke chimes in, trying to be helpful.

“He’s  _ not _ gross Brooke. We’ve been over this. Just friends. That’s good, because I’d really hate for the reason he’s not here be that he’s already tired of you.” She giggles snidely before standing and guiding Brooke away. “He better not invite her to his Halloween party,” she snarls. Brooke puts her hand on Chloe’s arm consolingly. 

Jeremy comes in and looks around the room, waving to Chloe and Brooke and then to Christine. He strolls up to Christine and she looks up at him, her face a mix of boredom and unhappiness. 

“Hey Christine, is this seat taken?” He smiles down at her, hooking his thumbs through the straps on his backpack. 

“I, uh...I have no idea.” She frowns and looks at the empty chair despondently. Jeremy looks to his SQUIP. They nudge him and nod.

“Then can I, uh, can I sit here until whoever it is gets here?” Jeremy rubs the back of his neck and scuffs the toe of his shoe on the ground. Christine purses her lips and nods. 

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how are you? You had me and Jake worried at the mall yesterday.” She looks genuinely concerned and it catches Jeremy off guard. 

“Oh, uh, I’m fine. It was just method acting. I was practicing for my part in the play,” he plays it off, punctuating the sentence with a one-shouldered shrug. Christine doesn’t look convinced but she doesn’t get the opportunity to comment because Mr Reyes steps onto the stage, calling for everyone’s attention.

“Alright everyone! Let’s begin! Curtains up and we begin in Athens...Georgia, Center for Disease Control. Jenna--Or should I say Doctor Theseus.” 

Jenna rolls her eyes and stands. She reads off her script boredly as Chloe and Brooke flounce onto the stage. Chloe coughs lamely and Jenna launches into an unenthusiastic monologue. 

Jeremy sidles up next to Christine, “so where’s Jake?” he whispers, trying not to draw the attention of the surrounding cast members. 

“How should I know?” Christine’s returning whisper is harsh. She isn’t looking at him, and there’s a hard look on her face. 

“Wait a second, so you guys aren’t dating?” 

Christine groans, “For the one hundredth time today, NO JAKE AND I ARE NOT DATING.” Christine’s shout draws the attention of the entire cast. Jeremy wishes a hole would open up in the floor and swallow him whole, and Christine looks about the same. 

“Mr Heere, I take it that since you have time to harass Ms Conicula you’ve already memorized your entire script?” Mr Reyes looked ready to kill.

Jeremy opens his mouth to either defend himself or offer an excuse, he hadn’t decided yet, but instead he hears his voice reciting the words from the script he had been given earlier in the week. 

Mr Reyes looked impressed. “Well then, it appears that you could all take note of Mr Heere’s commitment. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for a Hot Pocket break.” He struts off the stage and nearly falls. Christine was looking at Jeremy, impressed.

_ ‘You’re welcome’  _ The SQUIP’s arrogant voice invades his thoughts.

“Wow, you’re really good at this Jeremy.” Christine is smiling up at him, a light blush coloring her cheeks.

“Y-yeah. I-I guess. Why else would I be here?” He gnaws on his lip, feeling like he was forgetting something.

“Can I ask you a question?” She blinks up at him earnestly. 

_ ‘You can ask me anything,’  _ The SQUIP supplies.

“You can ask me anything.” Jeremy says, smiling down at her. She smiles back at him and pushes her hair behind her ears.

“So this is going to sound kinda weird, but say there’s this person you pass in the hall every day, and you’re used to thinking about him in a certain way, from the persona that he displayed. But then something changes, and then he changes from a guy that you’d never be into, into a guy that you’d kinda be into. From a guy that I’d never be into, into a guy that I’d kinda be into. Is he worth it, Jeremy? Should I go for it?” She’s biting her lip.

_ ‘Is she talking about me?’  _ Something about the encounter feels off to Jeremy, but he can’t put his finger on what it is.

_ ‘Of course she is! I’ve been activating your pheromones. Keep it up!’  _ The SQUIP’s voice is encouraging and that also strikes Jeremy as odd. The harder he tries to concentrate on that feeling, the more it slips away from him. 

“Absolutely!” Jeremy, or rather the SQUIP says. Christine’s grin widens.

“Thanks Jeremy! I really like talking to you. You’re really easy to talk to!” She pats him on the arm and starts to walk away.

“Wait!” Something makes him nearly shout at her. She turns to look at him, confused. “Who’s the guy?” He can’t decide whether if he wants it to be him or not.

“Oh, it’s Jake!” She smiles and gets ready to say something else but the doors to the auditorium bang open and they both jump.

“HOT POCKET BREAK IS OVER PEOPLE! GATHER ROUND!” 

The words pass in one ear and out the other for Jeremy. He assumes that he should be feeling some form of disappointment, and he does if he thinks about it hard enough. But if he ignores it the feeling kind of goes away. 

_ ‘We should probably go. I’m sorry about Christine Jeremy. I know how much you liked her. This just means that there’s more work to be done.’  _ The SQUIP takes control of Jeremy’s body again, leading him out of rehearsal. 

_ ‘I’m not really all that sad. Why is that?’  _ Jeremy looks around for Michael, he would help make sense of this. He stops dead when he realizes he hasn’t seen Michael all day. The SQUIP appears in front of him, their face dangerous.

_ ‘I Told You To Forget About Michael! He could never love you Jeremy. He doesn’t even like you. Now, repeat after me.’  _ The SQUIP is wearing that malicious smile that Jeremy hates to see on Michael’s kind face.  _ ‘Everything about me without the SQUIP is terrible. Everything about me without the SQUIP makes me want to die.' _

_ ‘Everything about me without the SQUIP is terrible. Everything about me without the SQUIP makes me want to die.’  _ It was easier for him to say those words now, for him to believe them. He offhandedly wonders why, but much like before, the answer slips away from him. He was just about to let it go when his eyes drift down to the rubber bands he wore around his wrist. 

_ MICHAEL! I HAVE TO FIND HIM!  _ Jeremy’s thoughts finally all click into place, and just as he’s getting ready to take off in search of his best friend the SQUIP takes back control of his body. 

_ ‘You don’t need the old Michael, you have me.’  _ The SQUIP steers him outside. Jeremy is screaming inside his own head, screaming for Michael. His eyes water out of frustration and surprisingly the SQUIP not only allows it, he helps the process along. Jeremy flops down on the curb outside the auditorium. The longer he sits there the more his feelings start to disappear in ways he doesn’t like. Holding on to them was like trying to hold water in his hands. It wasn’t working and the tighter he held to them the more they slipped away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's an angsty chapter for you guys.   
> I love all of your comments (especially the ones telling me it's not okay and things like that, they make me smile)

_‘We need to discuss Christine. She does not consider you to be relationship material, Jeremy.’_  

Jeremy finds himself rolling his eyes,  _ ‘That much is obvious. But I thought you were supposed to  _ fix  _ that.’  _

_ ‘There are other girls Jeremy, better girls. Pick one of those.’  _ The SQUIP gestures expansively to the school behind them.

_ ‘You were the one that was stuck on Christine. But for shits and giggles let’s say sure, it has to be this girl.’  _ Jeremy smirks up at the SQUIP, who just sighs in response.

_ ‘You can’t get the girl like this though. You’ll need to rapidly advance in social standing to be with a girl like Christine. You need to Upgrade.’  _

Jeremy doesn’t have time to question what this means before his eyes start to water and then he’s sobbing. Someone puts their hand on his back and some small part of him hopes it’s Michael before the SQUIP shocks him. Brooke sits beside him and gently puts her arm around his shoulders. 

“Hey Jeremy, I’ve been looking for you, but it looks like you’ve already gotten the news.” She looks at him sadly, gently rubbing his back.

“News?” Jeremy wants to stutter but the SQUIP doesn’t let him. 

“About Eminem? He was killed in some kind of freak hockey accident.” She was looking at him like he was a kicked puppy that needed rescuing.

The SQUIP makes Jeremy cry harder and bury his face in Brooke’s shoulder. She chuckles sadly and runs her hand up and down his back again. She starts to talk again, this time about why she didn’t like Eminem, but she knows Jeremy did. He tunes her out and looks at his SQUIP.

_ ‘Did you know this would happen?’  _ His tone is accusing and after the look the SQUIP gives him in response he wants to apologize.

_ ‘Obviously not. But like I mentioned earlier, I can envision possible futures. The futures I envisioned with ended with a positive outcome.’  _ The SQUIP shrugs.

_ ‘Positive for who!?’  _

The SQUIP looks at him with an unimpressed expression.  _ ‘You, dumbass.’  _

Jeremy is pulled away from his conversation with the SQUIP when Brooke leans back. “It’s okay Jeremy, you don’t have to be alone right now.” 

_ ‘This girl is popular, you need to become popular. Do you see where I’m going with this?’  _ The SQUIP looks at Jeremy like he’s dumber than a box of rocks. 

Brooke grabs Jeremy’s hand and leads him around the side of the auditorium. All three of them miss Michael standing at the doors to the auditorium, looking for all the world like someone had just pulled his heart from his chest. 

Brooke pauses and turns to face Jeremy. “This is my favorite place behind the school.” She leans towards him, her hand on his arm. 

The SQUIP flashes into his “tangible” form a moment later, his words overshadowing Brooke’s words.  _ ‘Your life was so pitiful before, but now you’re going to go all the way and more! Don’t worry about the guilt you felt, it’ll be gone soon. You’ve just gotta take the upgrade.’  _

By the time he quit looking at the SQUIP, Brooke was leaning against his chest, staring up at him. Jeremy feels his arms go around Brooke’s middle and she leans into him even more. 

~~~

Jake saunters up to Christine after rehearsal ends. “Hey!” She ignores him, reviewing her lines again. “You’re not going to say hi?” He ducks to try and look at her face. 

“I was. At rehearsal.” Her answer is clipped and curt. Jake has the good sense to look a little remorseful. 

“I really wanted to be there, but it’s the same time as archery.” Jake says, pleading. 

Christine sighs, “it’s fine...really,” her voice is morose.

“But I told the coach today that I wanted to quit,” he pauses for a second and waits for her to reply, when she doesn’t he looks at her bashfully. “I just want to do the play.

Christine’s eyes jerk up to his, caught off guard. She opens her mouth a few times, unsure exactly how to reply. 

“Would you, um, want to come over to my house tonight? My parents won’t be around since they laundered money and now they’re on the run. ” He smiles at her, but his smile is sad.

“Uh, that’s...that’s illegal!” Christine steps back from him, her eyes wide. 

Jake tries to put a positive spin on it, “but the house is empty, so that’s fun!” 

Christine looks at him, caught off guard. “I-I guess.”

Jake grins at her, “Christine, you are unlike any girl I’ve been around before.” 

She blushes, not sure if that was good or bad. Jake was grinning at her, so she assumes it must be good. Jake dramatically offers her his arm and she takes it with a small smile. 

~~~

  _‘Alright Jeremy, here’s the plan. You start with Brooke and then work your way up the social ladder to Christine.’_

 ' _O-okay, can you leave for like five seconds, I need to clear my head.’_

_ ‘Of course’  _ The SQUIP temporarily deactivates itself and Jeremy is greeted by a very disgruntled looking Michael. 

“Michael! I’ve been looking for you all day!” He starts to run towards him but the expression on Michael’s face stops him. It looks like one of the more irritated expressions the SQUIP favors. This expression is usually accompanied by an electric shock of some variety. He backs away from Michael.

“Really? Because you haven’t been avoiding and ignoring me all day long?” Michael snarls and Jeremy backs away quickly. 

“M-Michael, wh-what’re you t-talking ab-about. I-I haven’t s-seen you s-since y-yesterday wh-when y-you left t-to go to sp-spencer’s. I-I’ve b-been l-looking f-for you all d-day l-long. I-I even waited at-at y-your locker th-this m-morning.” Jeremy internally berates himself for stumbling over so many of his words, but when he gets nervous it just starts to happen and the SQUIP wasn’t here to stop it and  _ god, Michael probably hated me because I just fuck everything up, even being his friend and this is what the SQUIP has been talking about.  _

“Earth to Jeremy!” Michael waves a hand in his face and Jeremy falls trying to get away from him. “Whoa dude, what’s the matter with you? You’ve been acting weird ever since...wait a second, it worked, didn’t it!?” Michael seems overjoyed and for a second the feeling was contagious. Then Jeremy’s thoughts were invaded. 

_ ‘Jeremy, we talked about these feelings,’  _ The SQUIP sneers the word,  _ ‘that you have for Michael. They’re unacceptable. You’re after Christine, remember?’  _

“Wh-why haven’t I b-been able t-to see Mi-Michael all day?” Jeremy asks, forgetting that he shouldn’t demand things of his SQUIP out loud. The SQUIP’s only response is a sharp shock that ricochets down his spine. Jeremy spasms on the ground before scooting farther away from Michael.

“Jeremy? Are you talking to me or that squid thing? Are you okay?” He steps closer to Jeremy but his face twists into something unkind and confused when Jeremy scoots away from him again. “What’s the matter with you?” 

“M-my SQUIP, he, um--”

The SQUIP cuts him off,  _ ‘Jeremy, can’t you see, he doesn’t care.’  _

“YES HE DOES” 

The SQUIP retaliates by dealing Jeremy a shock stronger than any he’d received before. Michael jumps back at the outburst before trying to approach Jeremy again. “Jer?” Michael squats next to his head. Jeremy is twitching and his eyes have glazed over. “Jeremiah, you’re really scaring me. Please come back to me.” Michael rests his hand on Jeremy’s cheek. 

Jeremy jolts and eyes widen. “N-no. Pl-please don’t.” His hands are out in front of himself defensively. 

_ ‘Yes Jeremy, good, he thinks you’re useless and weak. Don’t let him lie to you.’  _

“SHUT UP SHIT UP SHUT UP” Jeremy holds his head between his hands and just shivers. He wants Michael to--to do something, but he doesn’t know what and he doesn’t want the SQUIP to punish him for it. 

_ ‘Jeremy this will all go away if you let me go back to blocking Michael.’ _ The SQUIP’s voice is gentle, consoling, the tone that he normally heard from Michael. 

“N-no! I-I nee--” Jeremy’s eyes are squeezed shut.

_ ‘DON’T SAY THAT YOU NEED HIM! YOU DON’T NEED ANYONE BUT ME!’  _ The SQUIP roars in his face. 

“Pl-please stop. Please just m-make it s-stop.” Jeremy is shaking and sobbing. Michael’s heart is breaking, he desperately wants to do something, anything, to help Jeremy. 

“Tell me what to do Jeremy! I’ll do anything!” Michael is hovering near Jeremy’s head, trying to figure out what he could do to help. Michael touches the inside of Jeremy’s wrist gently. The SQUIP shocks Jeremy in response. 

“M-Mikey, I-I need h-help,” his voice is so broken and it kills Michael. 

“Please Jeremy, just tell me what to do,” Michael’s voice breaks,  he doesn’t know when it started but it suddenly occurred to him that he’s crying. 

Jeremy feels the SQUIP start to take control of his body again, “M-Mikey I’m-I’m hurting. Please j-just g-go.” He didn’t want the SQUIP to take control of him and do something to hurt Michael. 

_ ‘Optic Nerve Blocking On.’  _ The SQUIP overrides his senses and Michael disappears from before Jeremy’s eyes. He cries out in his head, the most anguish filled sound that any SQUIP had ever heard. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter we see a bit of Michael's side of things  
> And i'm really sorry about this Rich and Jeremy's part was supposed to be happy but like then things started happening and it turned kinda angsty at the end.  
> Let me know what you think!  
> (Also TW for suicide, like it's not described but Michael talks about it so I just wanted everyone to know)

Michael didn’t understand. The squid or whatever it was called was supposed to help Jeremy. He was supposed to be happy. This wasn’t what he wanted, he wanted Jeremy to be happy, whether that was with or without him, he didn’t know. What he did know was that Jeremy was not happy now. The way his voice had sounded after school, it reminded Michael of the night Jeremy had called him, his voice thick with unshed tears. 

From the moment he had picked up the phone that night he just knew. Jeremy had been calling to say goodbye. That was not a future Michael wanted to live in and he had told Jeremy as much. 

_ They had been on the phone for close to an hour when Michael finally convinced Jeremy to let him come over. Michael talked to him the whole time he walked to the Heere household, too afraid to hang up the phone. He climbed the pine tree that led to Jeremy’s window, just like when they were kids and they used to sneak out to catch lightning bugs. When he hoisted himself onto the branch outside of Jeremy’s window he was huffing and puffing and so glad to see Jeremy there waiting to help pull him inside. Even in the dark it was clear to Michael that something was amiss with Jeremy.  _

_ As soon as he was standing in Jeremy’s room he didn’t even think about it, he just pulled Jeremy into his arms and held him tightly. It was a while before he realized that he and Jeremy were both crying.  _

_ “Jer,” Michael brushed the hair back from Jeremy’s face, it was longer then, hanging in his eyes, always getting in the way. Jeremy looked away from him, seemingly somewhere else, trapped in his own mind. “Jeremiah? You’re scaring me.” At the use of his full name Jeremy’s eyes jerked to Michael’s and he started crying again. He clung to Michael like his life depended on it, and Michael suspected that it did.  _

_ Jeremy sniffed after a few minutes and Michael gently wiped the remaining tears off his face. Jeremy had laughed slightly, “dude thas gay,” he had mumbled, leaning heavily on Michael.  _

_“Tell me what to do Jeremy,” Michael’s voice was beseeching. “I need you, you can’t leave me.” He sniffed and looked up at the ceiling when his eyes started to water again._  

_ “I-I don’t--I don’t--I don’t know.” Jeremy was breathing hard because of all of the crying he had done. “Mikey what’s wrong with me?” he sounded so defeated. Jeremy sank to the floor at the foot of his bed, pulling Michael with him. _

_ “Nothing. You’re amazing. I wouldn’t be here without you. I need you Jeremy.” They were sitting shoulder to shoulder and Michael couldn’t see Jeremy’s face without bending and turning awkwardly. He takes his arm and wraps it around Jeremy’s shoulders, knowing that Jeremy would need the support and physical contact but would be too anxious to ask. “Here,” he had said, pulling the rubber bands off of his wrist. He had taken to wearing them around his wrist once his hair got long enough to put up. Jeremy took the rubber bands, confused. “Carry these around because that way you have a tangible reminder that I need you. You’re always there to hold me back when I get annoyed--or annoying--and this way, if I forget to bring one someday, you’ll have one for me. _

_ “I know it probably seems like something small, but, um, when-when I started going to the counselor she-she said that sometimes it’s the littlest things that are the easiest things to live for. So, at the risk of sounding really selfish, I really need you to carry those around all the time so I don’t tear out my own hair when it annoys me.”  _

_ Jeremy was looking at him oddly then, and Michael didn’t know what to make of it. “M-Michael. I just, um, thank you.” The rubber bands were really loose around his wrist. Seeing the rubber bands looped around Jeremy’s arm gave him an idea though.  _

_ “Hey Jer, what about, um, when you’re feeling up to it, you know those little string bracelets we used to have? What if-what if we make new ones?” Michael ducked his head, feeling incredibly insecure.  _

_ “I, um, I think that I would like that. Thanks Michael. I just--thank you.” Jeremy rested his head on Michael’s shoulder some of the tension slowly leaving his shoulders. _

_ “I, um, we need to talk to your dad in the morning Jeremy.” Michael’s whisper was incredibly loud in the quiet room.  _

_ Jeremy took a deep breath before responding. “I know.” He had curled farther into Michael’s side after that. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep after that. Michael just held him tightly and he didn’t ever plan on letting go.  _

Michael scrubbed at his eyes angrily. He wasn’t going to let Jeremy go through whatever it was he was going through alone. Whether he wanted Michael there or not, Michael would never leave Jeremy. 

He pulled out his laptop and opened the internet. He had some research to do. 

~~~

 Jeremy isn’t sure when exactly he acquired Rich’s number, but there it was, taunting him. The SQUIP told him to talk to Rich, said that he needed Rich’s friendship to climb the social food chain. As soon as he starts to really think about it the SQUIP takes control, texting Rich and asking if he could come over. Rich replies in the affirmative.

Jeremy texts Rich to let him know that he was there, not sure if he should knock or not. That question is answered for him by Rich flinging open the door just as he raises his fist to knock. “Hey Man! How’s it going?” Rich greets, ushering him into the house and closing the door behind them

“It’s going. What about you?” Thanks to the SQUIP’s puppeteering Jeremy doesn’t stutter once and he comes off as indifferent. 

“You know how it is when your dad gets totally shit-faced every night.” Rich frowns and leads Jeremy up a flight of stairs and down a narrow hallway. Several of the walls and doors have dents in them, like someone tried to punch their way through in a fit of rage. Jeremy’s blood runs cold but any external reaction is blocked by the SQUIP. Rich pushes open a door at the end of the hallway and Jeremy didn’t know what he expected Rich’s room to look like, but it was not this. 

It was incredibly organized, not a thing out of place. It didn’t even look lived in. The walls were a middle-tone blue with a bedspread that matched exactly. When Jeremy looked back at Rich, what looked like a flicker of insecurity flashed across his face, but it was gone before Jeremy could really tell. 

“So, I have basically everything, it’s kinda up to you what we play.” Rich shrugged and turned to a bookshelf that was filled with X-box games. Jeremy’s jaw dropped as he stood frozen, just staring at the bookshelf. The SQUIP forced him into action a moment later. 

_ ‘Pick a game you’ll  _ both  _ be good at.’  _ The SQUIP tells him, fixing him with a meaningful look. Jeremy scans the shelves, looking for a familiar title. He eventually settles for a racing game that he hopes they’ll be equally bad at. The SQUIP ‘ _ hm’ _ s in response so Jeremy takes the case over to Rich to see what he thinks. Rich grins at him before taking the case and bringing back two controllers. 

Jeremy was correct in his assumption that they would both be terrible at this game. They laughed at how bad they were losing when suddenly Jeremy was struck by a sense of Deja Vu. It was like when he and Michael started playing Mario Cart as kids. The SQUIP pushes the memory and the feelings that go with it away, but Jeremy is left feeling hollow and not really wanting to play anymore. 

He looks at his phone, it was getting late. “Hey Rich? After this race I gotta go man. My dad’ll have my ass if I miss curfew again.” It always left a bad taste in his mouth after the SQUIP spoke for him, but he had no way to turn it off. 

Rich rolls his eyes good-naturedly in response, “yeah man, I totally understand.” Rich walks him to the door, looking around and over his shoulder the entire way to the front door. Rich waves as he shuts the door and Jeremy hesitantly returns it, only to realize Rich couldn’t see him.

Jeremy sighs as he rubs his hands down his face. The SQUIP appears next to him.  _ ‘Jeremy, we’ve talked about Michael. He’s not worth it. Not only does he think he’s too good for you, but you’re way cooler than he is.’  _ The SQUIP pauses, waiting to make sure they had Jeremy’s attention.  _ ‘So no more thinking about Michael. Every time you think about him I’m going to shock you.’  _

Jeremy flinches away, not happy with this turn of events. It’s not like the SQUIP needed to shock him, it can already mess with his thoughts and feelings. Jeremy twists his fingers in the rubber bands on his wrist. He’s met with resistance more quickly than he thought he would be. He looks down and see he caught the friendship bracelet from Michael in his fingers along with all the rubber bands. His arm receives a shock. He drops the bracelet and lets it go.

_ ‘That childish bracelet has got to go.’  _ The SQUIP sneers, his upper lip curling in disgust. Jeremy puts his hand over it protectively and is met with laughter from the SQUIP.  _ ‘Don’t make me, make you, into a prisoner in your own body.’  _ Jeremy drops his hand and looks at the sidewalk. 

They finish the walk in silence, Jeremy still curled in on himself. Once he gets home his feet take him to the kitchen, to the knife block where the scissors sit. He starts fighting against his body with everything he’s got but nothing’s working. His hand reaches out for the scissors.  _ ‘NO!’  _ He screams internally, watching himself bring the scissors up to the arm where the bracelet is--where that bracelet had been for two years now. 

The SQUIP laughs maniacally,  _ ‘I warned you Jeremy. You’re making me do this.”  _  Jeremy shut his eyes tightly, fighting with all his power to pull the scissors away but he’s lost all control over his motor functions. There’s a soft  _ snick.  _ The air around his wrist changes. He looks down and there sits the bracelet on the counter, cut neatly, right through the dumb design Michael had helped him weave into it. The SQUIP shocks him. 

Jeremy grabs the bunch of string, crying silently. The SQUIP starts to move him towards the trashcan.  _ ‘No! Wait!’  _ Jeremy cries out quickly.  _ ‘L-let me keep it, a-as a reminder of h-how far I’ve come.’  _ The SQUIP debates for a moment before surrendering control of Jeremy’s body. He nearly falls to the ground in relief. He makes his way upstairs silently, keeping an eye out for his dad. Jeremy drops the bracelet into the bottom drawer of his dresser, sinking to the ground after he closed it. 

_ ‘Don’t you see Jeremy? I’m freeing you. Don’t you feel free?’  _ The SQUIP was smiling at him, his smile looking more like the ones Jeremy remembered from when he and Michael would hang out. The SQUIP shocks him in response. Jeremy’s back is burning, but he doesn’t have the energy to move from his spot. The SQUIP forces him up and across the small room to his bed.  _ ‘You’ll understand, eventually, that everything I’m doing is for your own good.’  _ That’s the last thing Jeremy hears before he drifts off, trying to ignore the pain in his back. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS HALLOWEEN! (part one)   
> This chapter and the next one are actually pretty happy so that's good i guess.   
> We kinda see a bit of Rich's story here, but I decided that after i finish this one i'm going to write a different story about rich (starting at the halloween party) because I don't want to go too of topic with this fic.   
> Thanks for all of the comments and kudos! They make my day!

Jeremy was frowning at himself in the mirror. The SQUIP told him that this was an acceptable outfit for the party. He was dressed as a cyborg, but he didn’t really look like one. The SQUIP told him that a half-hearted attempt was sufficient for the type of party he was going to attend. Jeremy wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but he was happier not knowing. 

~~~

Brooke wanted to impress Jeremy. Before she talked to him she figured he was just another weird nerd, but now that she’s gotten to know him, she really likes him. She’d strayed away from the whole ‘sexy cat’ costume, finding the idea cliched. With one last look in the mirror she nodded to herself and left for Jake’s house.

~~~

Rich was so goddamn tired. He didn’t want to go to the party, but he didn’t want to stay home either. Three years with a SQUIP had taught him some things though, including the fact that what Rich wanted, didn’t matter. He remained silent as the SQUIP forced him to steal a Jason mask from his older brother’s room. The room that had been untouched since his brother ran away from this hellhole years ago. 

~~~

The only reason Michael was even thinking about going to this dumb party was Jeremy. He had done some digging, found a way to disable the SQUIP, even if only temporarily. He wasn’t technically invited, which is what prompted what was essentially a full body suit costume. This is really not what he wanted, but for Jeremy, he’d do almost anything.

~~~

Christine was  _ so  _ nervous. What did this mean for what was happening between her and Jake? They were wearing what was kinda a couple’s costume. Would this make Chloe more aggressive towards her? That wasn’t Christine’s goal. She genuinely liked Jake, but if Chloe said she still liked Jake and wanted to get back together with him, Christine would back off. She sighs. It’s too late now. 

~~~

Chloe was furious. Jenna had just texted her to say that not only had Jake invited Christine to the party, but that Jeremy and Brooke were planning to meet up once they got there. It felt like everyone was leaving her. She didn’t really like Jake anymore, not like that, but he was one of her best friends. The only person she liked more was Brooke. Well tonight there would be revenge. She would make both of them pay for leaving her over and over again, and she knew just what to do. 

~~~

Jenna didn’t mean to make Chloe  _ that  _ mad. She just wanted to give her a heads up. Jenna didn’t really like parties, but she liked feeling like an integral part of the social group. Everyone seemed a bit more welcoming when they were drunk, or maybe they just seemed that way when she was drunk. 

~~~

Jake was ready. He had prepared for this night. He agreed to wear a costume that went with Christine’s, just wanting to see her smile. She treated him differently than he was used to. She was so unendingly kind to him, making sure he always had food to eat and that he knew he could always talk to her if he needed to. She wasn’t his only friend like that, there was always Rich, but sometimes it felt like Rich wasn’t exactly himself. Jake shrugs as he sets out liquor for the party. He was ready to get wasted.

~~~

Jeremy started to fidget as he approached Jake’s block. The SQUIP quickly rectified this, changing Jeremy’s insecure shuffle into an overconfident swagger. He could feel the beat of the music in his chest before he stepped onto the driveway. He’s no more than three steps into the house when he’s accosted by Brooke. 

“Jeremy! I thought you weren’t coming! Did you get my messages?” Her eyes are bright and she’s smiling widely.

_ ‘Play it off,’  _ the SQUIP commands, waving his hand in a noncommittal gesture. 

“Am I late? I didn’t even realize…”  the words taste sour but rather than let that show on his face he smirks a bit and raises one shoulder in a half-shrug. Brooke’s face falls slightly, but she recovers quickly.

“What do you think of my costume? I figured that you always see sexy cats, but you never see a sexy dog.” She’s smiling again and she does a quick twirl. Jeremy smiles at her enthusiasm before the SQUIP forces his face into a blank look. 

_ ‘Vague compliment.’  _

“It’s...original.” Jeremy starts to bite his lip but is stopped by a minor twinge in his back. He raises a brow at her. Brooke’s face falls. Jeremy’s heart breaks. “I mean amazing. Seriously. I can’t believe I’m with a girl like you.” His compliment is genuine and Brooks face lights up again. 

“Chloe said it was lame.” Her voice is dejected. Jeremy shuffles his feet awkwardly, unsure what to say in response. “You need a drink.” She grabs his hand and drags him off to the large table covered with different kinds of alcohol. 

_ ‘Did you see the look on her face? She thought I stood her up!’  _ Jeremy’s voice is accusatory and he braces for the shock that he assumes will follow his questioning the SQUIP.

_ ‘And look at how excited she was when she realized you hadn’t.’  _ The SQUIP’s voice was dry.  _ ‘Look who’s here.’  _ They nod towards Christine, who had just entered the house. She looked incredibly nervous as she made her way over to Jake. He grinned at her once he noticed she was there. 

“Hey, I’m really sorry I’m late.” She says, smiling up at him slightly. 

“Oh, it’s fine, I didn’t even notice what time it was,” his voice was genuine and he bites his lip.

“Oh…” she looks at his costume. “I-I thought we were going as prince and princess?” Her brows are furrowed, her head tilted to the side slightly. 

“Right! I’m Prince…” He trails off, realizing that she did not, in fact, mean the artist formerly known as Prince when she said prince and princess. He smacks himself on the forehead. 

“It’s okay,” she reassures.

“I, uh, sorry. Do you, um, want a drink?” He waits for her to nod before leading her over to the refreshments table. Once they get there Jeremy (or rather Jeremy’s SQUIP) challenges Jake to a dance off, making the people in the immediate vicinity laugh. Christine stands off to the side, observing how different people interact with each other. Brooke sees Chloe and waves at her, but the only response she gets and a dirty look. 

Surprisingly, Jeremy wins the dance off by a landslide and the crowd disperses. He’s grinning, looking around for someone--definitely not Michael--but he shrugs after a moment and turns to look for Brooke. Chloe was standing right behind him. 

“Brooke told me to come and find you, she has a surprise for you upstairs.” Her smile is coy as she takes Jeremy’s hand and leads him through the throng of bodies. 

~~~

Rich was standing in the kitchen alone. His SQUIP was driving him wild. He didn’t want to be here, there were too many people, and the music was too loud. It hurt his head. He was dying, his SQUIP was killing him. It was torturing him, hurting him for things he couldn’t control. He needed it to stop. He was formulating a plan when someone dressed from head to toe in a monster costume tapped him on the shoulder. The only reason he didn’t jump back and scream is that the SQUIP had overridden his flight reflex. 

The person makes a noise of understanding and pulls off their mask. It was that weird, quiet kid who Jeremy was totally gay for. Rich couldn’t remember his name though. “Rich! This is important. To deactivate your SQUIP you need Mountain Dew Red.” Rich blinked at him once but before he could reply the kid put his mask on and disappeared again. 

Rich stands there for a second before steeling himself and downing a cup of alcohol. 

_ ‘Good for you Rich! Get in on the party action!’  _ His SQUIP encourages happily. Rich waits for it to completely deactivate before searching through the fridge for Mountain Dew Red. There wasn’t any. Rich goes searching through the crowd, looking for the kid dressed as a monster, but he was nowhere to be found. 

“Where the fuck can I get some Mountain Dew Red?” Rich shouts, making the people around him look at him strangely before moving away. He pulls out his phone and types it into Google. “FUCK” he shouts, causing more people to move away from him. Of course the only thing that could deactivate a SQUIP was discontinued. Rich decides to do the next best thing to silence his SQUIP, but in order to do that, he’s going to need a lot more liquor to dull his nerves and his good sense. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So HALLOWEEN PARTY (pt 2)   
> this chapter was so much fun to write! I hope you guys like it!  
> Next chapter is michael in the bathroom so prepare yourselves   
> Thanks for your comments and kudos! (i know i say this every time but it means a lot)

“Chloe? Where are you taking me?” Even when the SQUIP lets Jeremy talk he stops him from stuttering.

Chloe doesn’t answer, instead shoving open one of the many doors on the second floor of the house. “Jake’s parent’s room. Don’t worry they’re not using it.” She says after he doesn’t move for a few seconds. Jeremy just blinks at her. “I’ve had sex in almost every room in this house.” She daintily raises one shoulder as he looks at her, caught off guard. “Because I dated Jake! God, what kind of slut do you think I am?” She raises a baby bottle Jeremy didn’t notice she was carrying and chugs from it. 

“So, uh, where’s Brooke?” He peers cautiously around the room. Chloe laughs viciously.

“Brooke isn’t coming,” she stage whispers before pushing Jeremy into the room and locking the door behind them. She pushes him onto the bed and grins wickedly at him. 

“L-listen, Chloe, y-you’re really, pretty drunk and I just think that this isn’t r-really the b-best idea.” Jeremy tries to stand but he finds that he can’t move. 

_ ‘You’re welcome,’  _ the SQUIP says arrogantly. 

“I don’t know why she’s so interested in you. It’s not even like you’re that cute,” Chloe comments idly. “Oh, no offence.”

“None taken,” Jeremy replies hurriedly. “I-I should probably get--” Jeremy’s eyes dart towards the door as Chloe stalks towards him. She straddles his lap and Jeremy finds himself wanting to blush. 

“You know, she’s not that innocent,” She speaks over him. “That wounded puppy routine? That’s just how she gets all the guys. She acts all helpless so that they want to protect her.” Her tone isn’t snide, it’s hurt. 

“Wait a second, are you-are you jealous?” 

Chloe scoffs, “fuck no. Why would I be jealous of her?” She sounded genuine, but it also appeared that she had chosen her words carefully. Jeremy files that away for reference. Maybe it wasn’t Brooke that she was jealous of, it was the guys that went out with Brooke. 

Chloe rolls her eyes and kisses him. Jeremy tries to pull away but finds his body unresponsive. 

_ ‘Make it stop!’  _ he begs the SQUIP, who just laughs in response. 

“Do you wanna stop being coy?” She raises her eyebrows and shoves her baby bottle into his hands. Jeremy looks at it confused. “It’s not milk,” she says, acting like that’s what Jeremy’s issue with it was. 

“No thanks I’m not really a big--” he’s cut off by the SQUIP forcing him to raise the bottle and take a generous drink. Then he’s leaning forward and kissing Chloe, and screaming internally that this was not what he wanted. A knock on the door makes them jerk apart. Chloe hasn’t moved from her spot on his lap and Jeremy’s legs are starting to cramp. He doesn’t understand why people enjoy this so much. 

“Jeremy?” Brooke’s voice comes through the door softly. “Jeremy? Jenna said she saw you and Brooke come upstairs. Jeremy?” 

Chloe covers Jeremy’s mouth with her hand, signaling for him to be quiet. As if he would be able to say anything with the SQUIP currently in control of his body. Brooke’s footsteps eventually signal her departure and Jeremy lets out the breath he had been holding. 

“If Jenna saw us…” 

“Jenna should learn how to mind her own business,” Chloe snarls.

“But Brooke is bound to find o--”

Chloe cuts him off, “that’s kinda the point. You know, you’re kinda dumb, for a nerd.”

_ ‘A little help here?’  _ Jeremy asks the SQUIP, unsure of what exactly was happening. 

_ ‘Zdravo!’  _ The SQUIP greets happily.  Jeremy jerks, caught off guard.  _ ‘I’m sorry Jeremy, alcohol  _ _ sekoita minun prosessori ja minun kielenkäyttö.’  _

Jeremy isn’t sure what languages the SQUIP is using, but he knows that they’re definitely not English. 

_ ‘THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DRINK IT!?’  _ He demands, slightly outraged that now he’d deal with a computer who couldn’t pick a language until the alcohol was out of his system. 

_ ‘It was imperative that you  _ _ izmantot situāciju. Me darás las gracias más tarde. Ekki láta mig niður Jeremy. Albo będzie piekło zapłacić. Watashi wa atode modotte kimasu. Oyasumi.’ _

With the SQUIP’s abrupt and strange departure Jeremy was alone in his own mind for the first time in days. The moment is ruined for Jeremy when someone pounds angrily on the door. 

“JEREMY HEERE!” Jake’s shout is loud and clear through the door, and he sounds  _ really  _ pissed. 

Chloe Claps. “Oooo, now it’s getting interesting!”

“I KNOW YOU’RE NOT HAVING SEX ON MY PARENT’S BED BECAUSE IF YOU WERE I’D HAVE TO RIP YOUR BALLS OFF.” 

Jeremy starts to push Chloe off his lap but she holds on to his shoulders, grinning maliciously. “GOOD BECAUSE THEN YOU CAN BOTH BE BALL-LESS” 

Jeremy looks between Chloe and the door, his eyes very wide. It’s silent for a few seconds and some part of Jeremy hopes that Jake had left. 

“Chloe?” Jake’s voice is much softer now, he sounds almost hurt. The doorknob rattles but doesn’t give. Jeremy sits there frozen, not sure what to do. Then Jake starts throwing himself at the door. 

“DO YOU HEAR THAT JAKE? JEREMY AND I ARE HAVING HOT SEX ALL OVER YOUR PARENT’S LINENS!” Chloe goads and the thumping stops. Jeremy exhales, thankful that Jake finally left them alone. “Okay, well this has been fun,” she says, standing and offering her hand to him. Jeremy squeaks and jumps when a fist punches through the window. 

The SQUIP shouts something incomprehensible before finally shouting  _ ‘FUCKING RUN’.  _

As Jake starts to pull himself through the window Chloe throws herself back on Jeremy’s lap, peeling off his shirt. “Jeremy,” Jake calls his name in a sing-song voice, “you’re so fucking dead!” Jake’s face is murderous as he pulls himself through the window and onto the bedroom floor. Chloe flips him off.

“Go away we’re screwing!” She says snidely. Jeremy nearly throws Chloe off his lap, maybe those pushups were helping after all. He runs to the door and is very glad that Jake decided to address Chloe first. He flings open the door to find Brooke standing there, an incredibly hurt look on her face. 

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Jake calls, going to move around Chloe.

“I am so sorry Brooke,” Jeremy says before sprinting down the hallway. 

“You are  _ so fucking dead.”  _ Jake shouts, chasing after him, but he has a problem turning as he’s leaving the bedroom and he smacks against the opposite wall. “Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have drank so many Peach Schnapps.” He rubs his head before looking around to try and see where Jeremy had run off to. Meanwhile, Jeremy opened a door and ducked in, only looking around after the door was securely locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the languages the SQUIP used and what he said  
> Bosnian-Hello!  
> Finnish-scrambles my processor and my language controls  
> Latvian-take advantage of the situation  
> Spanish-you’ll thank me later  
> Icelandic-you better not let me down jeremy  
> Polish-or there will be hell to pay  
> Japanese-I’ll be back later. Goodnight.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the Michael in the bathroom chapter  
> it's kinda short, but it focuses basically entirely on Michael.  
> Let me know what you guy think!  
> (And thanks again for all your nice comments and kudos)

Jeremy sighs and sinks to the edge of the tub. He rests his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. This is not how he envisioned spending his night. A hand reaches up and wraps around his forearm. Jeremy jumps back and screams. The hand then pulls the curtain back to reveal Michael. 

“Michael!” Jeremy says, elated, before remembering the SQUIP and he backs against the door. “I-I didn’t know you were invited to this party.”  

Michael grins at him, but his face falls when Jeremy flinches back. “That’s why I’m wearing this disguise!” He stands and Jeremy just stares at him. “SQUIP got your tongue?” He goads. 

“N-no. It’s, um, off?” Jeremy isn’t sure how to explain what happened, and he was already taking a chance just by speaking to Michael at all.

“Ah, that explains why you’re talking to me,” Michael says bitterly. “You know, I’ve been thinking about this moment and what I would say to you. I had this whole angry monologue…” He trails off when he realizes that Jeremy was staring at him. The side of his mouth quirks up slightly, “what?” 

“It’s just really good to see  _ you _ , Michael.” Jeremy smiles sadly, wanting to hug Michael but being too afraid to.

“Yeah,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes, “well it won’t be when I tell you what I found out.” Michael looks at Jeremy like he’s an idiot when he doesn’t respond. “About the SQUIP.” The look on his face reminds Jeremy of one the SQUIP wears often. He shrinks back, prompting Michael to look at him oddly. 

“H-how? Th-there’s nothing on the internet.” Jeremy is looking around, worried that the SQUIP could appear any minute. 

“Yeah, I know. So I started asking around. Found this guy who’s brother went from flunking to a freshman at Harvard, but guess where he is now.” Michael had shed most of his costume at this point and Jeremy was taking the SQUIP-less opportunity to admire Michael. “He’s in a mental hospital, Jeremy! You need to get rid of it a-and I know how!” 

Jeremy pauses for a moment, thinking. 

_ ‘Jeremy,’  _ the SQUIP sings his name.

“A-and I thought Chloe was j-jealous!” Jeremy says, trying to fight the pressure building behind his eyes. Michael steps towards him and Jeremy backs up on instinct, wincing when his back runs into the door. Michael keeps coming closer and Jeremy needs him away, he needs to get away but somehow they’ve switched spots. Michael guarding the door, Jeremy standing by the bathtub. “M-Move.” Jeremy tries to harden his voice, fearing what the SQUIP will do if it turns back on while he’s in the room with Michael, thinking things that had gotten him punished before. 

“Or what?” Michael challenges, crossing his arms defiantly. 

“Get o-out of m-my way…” he steels himself, “loser.” Jeremy watches Michael crumple at the horrible word. For a second he’s glad Michael was looking at the ground so he wouldn’t notice Jeremy’s tears. Michael steps back, hugging the wall.

“F-fine. J-just leave then. I-it’s all you’ve wanted to do a-anyways. I-I don’t e-even want to be friends with th-the n-new y-you.” Michael was crying and Jeremy was crying and Jeremy hated his SQUIP, hated himself. Michael was the best thing in his life and now he’d gone and hurt the only thing in his life that kept him alive.

He pauses for a second, his hand on the door. “I’m so sorry,” he says softly, so softly he’s not sure that Michael can hear him. He closes the door behind himself, needing to find somewhere else to cool off. 

~~~

Michael was back sitting in the bathtub. Goddamn Jeremy for making him cry. Goddamn himself for thinking he could come to Jeremy’s rescue and it would be just like old times. Goddamn this whole fucking party. Someone knocks and he manages to find the power to reply “I’m having my period.” 

“Take your time honey,” the voice calls back before footsteps recede. 

Michael lets his head fall back against the wall.  _ Fucking figures. I’m hanging alone in the bathroom at the biggest party of the fall. I could stay right here or disappear and nobody would even notice at all. Everything was fine, when I was half of a pair, but through no fault of mine, there’s no other half there. He’s out there just ignoring all our history. Memories get erased and I’ll get replaced with a newer, cooler version of me.  _ His thoughts just kept speeding up and it felt like he was just along for the ride. 

_ Then I hear a drunk girl sing along with Whitney through the door, and everything gets worse because then I realize that there’s no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore. _ The more he thinks about it the harder it is for him to breathe. He can’t seem to calm himself down. Normally when he has panic attacks he can call Jeremy, but Jeremy is part of the reason he’s in this mess. Michael should’ve just stayed away. 

_ Could this night get any worse? I can’t believe he left me here alone! It’s like a fucking war zone with all the screaming _ . He takes a shaky breath and stands, going to the sink.  _ If anyone asks I can just blame my red eyes on weed or something.  _ He splashes water on his face, focusing his breathing to a count of four. He opens the door and is greeted with the smell of smoke. It’s hanging thick in the air. He coughs and looks down the hall, the end by the stairs was glowing. He starts opening doors and looking for one with a tree near it. 

Now he knows why people were banging on the door and screaming and shouting. The smoke was getting thicker and Michael was at the end of the hall. Finally, a room with a tree. He takes as deep a breath as the smoke will allow and launches himself from the window to the tree. Once his feet are safely on the ground he starts to run. He doesn’t know where he’s running, just away from that hellish place. He turns and looks over his shoulder before turning off the street. Jake’s house was ablaze, people were pouring out the front door and onto the lawn. He could hear sirens in the distance. He pauses for a moment, looking for Jeremy. He sees the familiar head of brown hair among the crowd and sighs. That was his queue to leave. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Rich set a fire and he burned down the house  
> (this isn't the smart phone hour, this is the end of the party)

Jeremy went back to Jake’s parents room to grab his shirt and then he ventured into the living room. Christine was sitting by herself on one of the couches. Rich was drunkenly stumbling around, asking people for Mountain Dew Red. Jeremy approaches Christine cautiously

“Hey,” he says softly, and it’s weird to talk to her as just Jeremy. 

“Hi,” she tries to scoot over so he could sit down. He shoves a passed out person onto the floor, clearing the rest of the couch and Christine laughs. 

“Where’s your date?” He looks around the room but doesn’t see Jake. 

“He’s lecturing Chloe. Something about not having sex with weirdos or some--Oh,” she pauses when she realizes that Jeremy was the one Chloe was threatening to sleep with. She laughs awkwardly and Jeremy shrugs.

“We weren’t doing anything. She just wanted to prove a point or something, I don’t know.” He shrugs again, rolling his eyes. Rich stumbles up to them, nearly falling into Jeremy’s lap.

“It-it looks like Mountain Dew but it’s red?” Something is off about how Rich pronounces his ‘s’s, but Jeremy chalks it up to the fact that Rich had been drinking. “SERIOUSLY WHERE THE FUCK CAN I GET SOME MOUNTAIN DEW RED?!” Rich stumbles around the room before latching onto one unfortunate soul and shaking them vigorously. 

Christine laughs slightly, “popular people are messed up.” 

“Word.” Jeremy purses his lips and shakes his head as Rich ventures upstairs. 

“I mean, you’re one of them though.” She looks at him oddly, turning so she was facing him. 

“What? No, I’m not…” Jeremy trails off, trying to figure out why he wasn’t happy to be considered one of the popular kids. 

“This coming from the guy who’s been pucking his way through the cast of Midsummer?” She raises her brows at him in a challenge. 

“Pucking?” As much as he hates to admit it, Jeremy is really confused.

“You like that? I just made it up. Boo-yah!” Christine pumps her fist in the air before grinning at Jeremy. He’s just staring at her, not entirely sure how to respond to that. Her smile fades slightly.  

“It’s just, I have no idea how to respond to that.” He smiles at her, trying to convey that it wasn’t a bad thing. He was just getting ready to say something else when Rich bursts through the living room. He pauses in front of Jeremy and grins maniacally while miming an explosion, complete with sound effects. 

Jeremy stands and leads Rich into the kitchen. “Dude, how could you not tell me about the drinking-and-SQUIPing thing?” 

Rich looks at him, furrowing his brows. “Oh, dude, I am so sorry.” His eyes tear up and he hugs Jeremy dramatically. Jeremy looks down at the top of Rich’s head, growing more confused by the second. 

It’s then that his SQUIP decides to make an appearance,  _ ‘Jeremy, assuming my processors are functioning correctly it would benefit you greatly to leave, now.’  _

Jeremy tries to pry Rich off with no success, maybe those push ups aren’t doing as much as he initially thought. 

_ ‘I don’t seem to be able to sync with his SQUIP…’  _ His SQUIP stands and scratches his chin. He blinks between Jeremy and Rich before shrugging and disappearing. 

It takes a moment before Jeremy realizes that Rich was crying. “Rich, buddy, what’s the matter?” 

“I, um, it’s nothing. I’ve gotta go.” His eyes are wide as he flees the room. Jeremy shrugs and writes off the interaction as Rich being an emotional drunk. 

_ ‘I’ve just finished overviewing all of your interactions since I took my short sabbatical.’  _ The SQUIP appears in front of him, glaring disapprovingly.  _ ‘I warned you Jeremy. I’ve been remarkably patient. Why are you so keen on disobeying me any chance you get?’  _

Jeremy shrinks back.  _ ‘I-I called Michael a l-loser. Wh-what more do you w-want?’  _ He’s curling in on himself but the SQUIP shocks him to get him standing back up straight. 

_ ‘I want you to stop interacting with him. You don’t need him and he doesn’t even like you. We’ve been over this. And you know there are consequences for your actions and feelings while I was gone.’  _ The SQUIP was lurking over him and Jeremy managed to look insecure despite the over-confident posture the SQUIP had forced him to adapt. 

Before the SQUIP could say anything else screaming erupts through the house. For once the SQUIP doesn’t override his flight response to the unknown threat. There’s a crowd at the front door, too many people were trying to flee at the same time. From snippets of conversations Jeremy manages to figure out that Rich had set the house on fire. 

Jeremy finally makes it outside and starts looking around for all of his friends. A red hoodie flits behind his eyes but is quickly banished by fear of the SQUIP. He locates Christine quickly, looking for Brooke and Chloe. Brooke was sitting with Jenna and it looked like she was crying. Jeremy feels like douche. He did that. She was so excited when he first got there and now she was crying. Chloe comes running around the corner of the house a moment later, screaming about something. 

~~~

Chloe was sitting on Jake’s bed, looking suitably contrite. He was pacing across the room in front of her. 

“Jake, I wasn’t going to sleep with him,” she finally interjects, tired of his lecture. He stops and looks at her, caught off guard.

“Oh,” is the only thing he says before sitting down next to her heavily. “I was just worried about you, Chlo.” He smiles down at her softly.

“I--” her reply is interrupted by people screaming. Jake pokes his head into the hall and hears someone shouting about Rich setting a fire. He goes back to the bed and grabs Chloe before rushing over to the window. He climbs out onto the roof before pulling her out after him. They creep to the edge of the house and Chloe takes one look at the drop before scooting back. “J-Jake I can’t.” She’s shaking her head and looking at him, her eyes wide. 

“I’ll hold your hands and lower you down. You’ll be fine. I promise.” He grabs her hand and squeezes reassuringly. She takes a deep breath and makes her way back to the edge. “Let me get settled, okay? Then you start to climb down and grab my hands real tight.” He lays on his belly and wiggles slightly to make sure he’s settled enough to hold Chloe’s weight for a few seconds. “Okay, I’m ready.” She slowly lowers herself and then reaches out for Jake’s hand. 

“Jake, I’m scared.” Her eyes are huge in her face. 

“I’ve got you Chlo. You’re going to be fine. And I’m really sorry.” She’s only about two feet from the ground when Jake lets go. 

He scoots back from the edge of the roof. “JAKE! Where are you going?!” She knows he’s making his way back into the house. 

“They said Rich set the fire. I can’t just leave him!” Jake’s voice breaks slightly at the end. “Go get someone to call 911 Chloe.” He ducks back into the house and coughs. The smoke was already really thick. He starts banging on doors before opening them to make sure they were empty. He doesn’t make it all the way down the hall before he sees someone moving on the stairs. 

“Rich?!” he calls, immediately following that with a coughing fit. The smoke was burning his eyes and lungs but he couldn’t leave here without Rich. The fire was obviously started at the bottom of the stairs, and  _ there.  _ Rich was only a few steps away from it, laying on the ground. “Rich!” Jake’s voice breaks. He had to get them out of here. The fire was spreading rapidly. Rich’s arms were covered in giant blisters. 

Jake drags him up to the top of the stairs, coughing violently. Once they get back up to the hall he swings Rich up into his arms. He was lighter than Jake thought he would be. He picks the room with a window maneuvering them both through the door. He couldn’t tell if Rich was breathing, but he knew he needed to get them both out of this house. He could practically feel the fire crackling on their heels. He stands at the edge of the roof, not sure exactly how to get them down. He sighs, looking at the drop. He hoped to God that Rich was breathing because if not he was about to make a very stupid choice all just to rescue a dead body. 

With another sigh he jumps off the roof. The ground rushes up to meet him and the last thing he remembers before it all goes dark is an earth-shattering scream. He didn’t realize that he was the one screaming, or that he had broken both of his legs. The only thing he knew for sure was that the two people he cared about most were safe. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is smartphone hour, we get to see more of Jenna, Brooke, and Chloe.  
> (We don't see Rich b/c him and my precious child Jake get their own story)  
> Thanks for all your amazing comments and your kind kudos, they make my day!

Jenna couldn’t believe what had happened. If she could talk to Chloe about this  then she’d be in the group for sure. **_‘OMG Chlo answer me! Wait until I tell you what I saw!’_**  

Chloe frowned at her phone, trying to decide if she wanted to answer. She sighs and picks up. “Hey”

“OH MY GOD OKAY so at the end of last night’s party did you see Rich?” Jenna crosses her fingers that Chloe had left early. 

“Oh I saw Rich.” Chloe says, remembering him run past her and Jake, shouting something about needing Mountain Dew. 

“So he was acting like a junkie--”

“He’s gotta handle his high, shouldn’t drink so much for a small guy.” Chloe shakes her head, she doesn’t understand why Jake likes him so much. 

“Right, but he wasn’t drunk.” Jenna is surprised that this is the part that Chloe doesn’t know. 

“The hell you say?” Chloe’s voice is skeptical. She had seen Rich with a red solo cup about halfway through the night. 

“I heard from Dustin Kropp that Rich had barely touched a drop, which means that you can’t blame the things he did on alcohol. It’s so terrible, I’m not sure I can relive it all,” she pauses dramatically, “but do you want me to tell you?”

“Spit it out.” Chloe’s voice was irritated.

“Alright, I’ll tell you, but only because you’re my closest friend.”

“No I’m not.” Her voice is suspicious. 

“Y-yeah I know.” Jenna shakes her head before continuing, “but anyways, Rich set a fire and he burned down Jake’s house. Everybody was screaming and running.” Jenna bites her lip, waiting to see what Chloe is going to say in response.

“I know, I was there.” Is all she says before disconnecting. Jenna frowns to herself, wondering where she went wrong this time.

Chloe calls Brooke, crossing her fingers that she’ll pick up the phone. It rings twice before going to voicemail. Chloe frowns, Brooke was way more upset about Jeremy than she thought.

**_‘Brooke I’m so sorry jerry made out with me at the party it was all his fault let’s never let boys come between us again okay?’_ ** She adds some emoticons to the end of the message, trying to get Brooke to smile. 

Brooke bites her lip and smiles slightly. It wasn’t that she was upset with Chloe--she was--she was more upset with Jeremy. He seemed like he would be different than the others, especially because he had been cheated on before. 

Chloe jumps when her phone rings, “we cool?” Chloe’s voice is hesitant.

“We are.” she can hear the smile in Brooke’s voice. 

“Yay! Okay so at the end of last night’s party did you see Rich?” Chloe had seen Brooke after the fire, so she knew that Brooke was there and that she was mostly unscathed. 

“No I was crying.” Her demeanor had dulled slightly. Chloe recalled having seeing Brooke crying, but she assumed that it was because of the fire. 

“Oh, well he was behaving weird and I was frightened.” She flops back on her bed, clutching her phone tightly. 

“He’s gotta learn not to smoke a lot, he shouldn’t get so high for a tiny guy.” Brooke is smiling slightly, remembering the last time Rich got really smashed.

“Right, but he wasn’t high.” Chloe’s pretty sure this is true, but the only thing she knew for sure was that he wasn’t too drunk.

“The hell you say?” Brooke’s voice is confused. 

“No! So you can’t blame the things he did on pot. It’s just so awful so let’s talk about it a lot.” Chloe really just wants an excuse to talk to Brooke like they used to; not necessarily gossiping, but just talking. 

“Speaking of awful, what happened with Jake?” Brooke sounds concerned and Chloe sniffs.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s conference Jenna in, we can see who else knows and what they know.” 

Brooke lets the abrupt change of subject occur.    


“Hello?” Jenna sounds pleasantly surprised that they’ve included her in their conversation. 

“Let’s spread the information!” Chloe commands.

“I’m sending a text!” Jenna says in a hurry.

“I’m sending a tweet!” Brooke exits the phone call screen and opens twitter.  **_‘Rich is flecked!’_ **

“Uh, Brooke, ‘flecked’?” Chloe asks, trying to keep the laughter from her voice. Brooke hears it anyways and blushes.

“Did I really say ‘flecked’? I meant ‘fucked’.” Brooke quickly amends the tweet, saying something about autocorrect. 

“Always be aware of autocorrect.” Chloe teases, scrolling through the tweets that have popped up after Brooke’s initial tweet.

**_‘Rich set a fire because he was gay’_ **

**_‘Rich melted his head’_ **

**_‘Let’s all change our icons to Rich to show we care’_ **

**_‘Rich fled to Bombay’_ **

**_‘Rich leveled the town!’_ **

“I can’t believe all the things people are saying about Rich.” Jenna sighs, frowning. “Aren’t these people supposed to be his friends?”

“Nah, the only person he’s really friends with is Jake.” Chloe shrugs and then huffs when she realizes that Jenna and Brooke can’t see her. 

“Speaking of, how is Jake?” Jenna’s voice is innocently concerned but it just frustrates Chloe. She doesn’t respond, instead choosing to hang up. Brooke politely texts Jenna, apologizing for Chloe’s behavior before texting Chloe to let her know she was on her way over. 

Jenna frowns. She didn’t know what Chloe was going through, she just knew she wasn’t included. This was  _ not  _ what she pictured high school to be like. She stops mid-internal rant after realizing that she was being selfish, she had no idea what Chloe was going through, so there would be no reason to include her. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the short chapter yesterday (this one is a little longer, like four pages in google docs or smth) but they should start getting longer from here.  
> Thanks for your comments and kudos, they mean the world to me!
> 
> this chapter has some bonus Michael angst too, so let me know what you guys think!

Jeremy’s in the middle of making lunch when phone buzzes and he looks down at it, confused. Michael was the only person--well except Rich, now--that Jeremy texted with. There was a text from a number he didn’t recognize,  **_‘Rich set a fire and he burned down Jake’s house. Both are in the hospital now. Jake broke both legs.’_ **

_ ‘How could Rich’s SQUIP let him do this?’  _ Jeremy asks, his face horrified. 

_ ‘Rich is under a lot of pressure at home, and with his SQUIP disabled, he lacked the proper...coping mechanisms.’  _ His SQUIP explains in a diplomatic voice.

Jeremy nods skeptically, leaning back against the counter.  _ ‘Wait a second, did you know this would happen? You tried to get me to leave before Rich latched onto me like a baby koala without its mama.’ _

The SQUIP clears it’s throat, looking slightly contrite,  _ ‘I was...aware...of certain probabilities of things occurring.’   _ This is the first time Jeremy had seen the SQUIP act anything less than completely confidant.

_ ‘So you knew people would get hurt?’  _ Jeremy accuses, not even afraid of the shocks this time, finally confronting the fact that he was terrified of what might’ve happened to Michael. The shock Jeremy was prepared for came, and he just continued to glare at the SQUIP, his arms defiantly crossed across his chest. 

_ ‘I get the feeling that you don’t trust me Jeremy.’  _ The SQUIP frowns back at him and in that moment he looks scarily like Michael looked at the party. Something in Jeremy breaks then and he just looks at the SQUIP, his eyes almost dead.

_ ‘Why me?’  _ He finally asks, his voice quiet and defeated. 

The SQUIP raises an eyebrow at him,  _ ‘I don’t understand the question.’  _

_ ‘You could be inside anyone, famous people, presidents, anyone. Yet you picked me. Why?’  _ Jeremy’s body starts to move again under the SQUIP’s control. He finishes his lunch and grabs his backpack, ‘BOYF’ still written on the back. Seeing it there made Jeremy smile, or it would’ve if the SQUIP wasn’t in control of his body.

_ ‘I told you Jeremy, my sole purpose is to improve your life.’  _ The SQUIP sighs, continuing to control Jeremy’s person.

_ ‘Great fucking job. The guy I like hates me, and the girl you want me to like doesn’t like me either. Then I really hurt Brooke. You’re basically torturing me in my own body so there’s not even anywhere I can escape to!’  _ Jeremy is trying to fight the SQUIP’s control of his body but it’s not working. If the SQUIP weren’t in control right now Jeremy would probably be hyperventilating right now. 

_ ‘They’re only human. These things take time. I promise I will improve your life.’  _ The SQUIP’s expression mirror’s the one Michael normally wears and Jeremy shakes himself to get rid of the thoughts.  _ ‘Good job. See, you’re learning.’  _

_ ‘You were supposed to make everything better. Why isn’t  _ anything  _ better?’  _ Jeremy is glaring at the SQUIP in his mind.

_ ‘Things are better. Look at yourself. You’re 93% more attractive, you have more experience with the opposite sex, which is to say you’ve  _ had  _ experience with the opposite sex. However, human activity is a matter of input as well as output.’  _ The SQUIP shrugs.

_ ‘What does that mean?’  _ Jeremy asks, frowning. 

_ ‘The fault is with your peers. You were always such a loser, then I invaded and you got an upgrade. But look around, everyone is incomplete, even if you can’t see it, they’re all in pain. Their operating systems are obsolete. Help me save the pitiful children. Helping me, really, just helps you.”  _ The SQUIP explains, making it all seem so rational. Jeremy finds himself in front of Rich’s locker. He goes to step away but the SQUIP hadn’t yielded control back yet. The locker was covered in flowers and get well cards. 

_ ‘Well, what’re you just standing there for? Open it.’  _

Jeremy’s hand reaches up and pushes some of the cards and flowers out of the way to get to the dial. Once the door swings open the only thing in the locker was a box for ladies shoes. Jeremy frowns as he takes the shoe box out of the locker. “Ladies shoes?”

_ ‘Open it.’  _ The SQUIP commands. Jeremy complies and suddenly it makes sense. The box was full of SQUIPs. 

“There have to be enough SQUIPs in here for the entire school…” Jeremy wonders aloud.

“Enough what?” Jenna asks, surprising him. Jeremy jumps, or rather he tries to but the SQUIP keeps him externally calm. “You know, whenever people want to know something they come to me, but they don’t ever wonder how I am.” Jenna confesses, then she looks at him surprised. “I’m not sure why I just said that.” 

Wordlessly Jeremy takes on of the SQUIPs out and hands it to her. She raises a brow at him, “is this, like, drugs?”

“N-n-yes. Th-there’s also some things you should--” his SQUIP cuts him off. She shrugs and dry swallows the pill, making Jeremy wrinkle his nose. Jenna stands there for a second. 

“I don’t feel any different.” She narrows her eyes at him. 

“Oh, you have to take it with Mountain Dew.” The SQUIP keeps him still even though he wants to fidget. Jenna looks at him skeptically before pulling a Mountain Dew out of her bag and taking a large swig. She stands there for a moment before grabbing her head. 

She groans before jerking so she was standing straight. Her face morphs into a smile, not the soft smile she normally wore, this one was more calculated. 

_ ‘See,’  _ his SQUIP says, gesturing to Jenna,  _ ‘see how happy she is now.’  _ Jeremy’s SQUIP syncs with Jenna’s. 

“C’mon Jeremy, we have to save all the pitiful children!” She latches onto his arm. Brooke stalks up to them, looking like she was ready to burn down the world. 

“So you’re just whoring your way through all the girls I’m friends with then?” She spits the words but Jeremy can hear the hurt behind her voice. Jeremy opens his mouth to say something, anything but she whirls around and stalks off before he can come up with something to say. He tries to go after her, calling her name, but Jenna holds tightly to his arm and his SQUIP takes back control of his motor functions. Jeremy makes a silent apology to her then, feeling like a worse person by the minute. 

A group of students approaches them. “Help us save the pitiful children Jeremy,” one of them calls. 

_ ‘Imagine the world Jeremy. No more human error or fear. All of people’s issues would be packed away inside their minds, they wouldn’t even know they exist. They don’t know that they need your help, but trust me, they do. So, are you with us Jeremy?’  _ The SQUIP looks at him meaningfully and Jeremy wants to say no, but he’s afraid of what would happen if he did. He just stands there in silence instead. 

~~~

Michael can’t believe it--well, he can--but he can’t believe this! Jeremy knew he was at that party and he didn’t bother to see if Michael was okay afterwards. He didn’t even care that Michael was having a panic attack after their conversation. He expected at least a text checking to see if he was alive. 

Something had been nagging at him though. When he had glared at Jeremy in the bathroom something had changed. He looked almost terrified. Michael decided that he should go see Rich, try and figure some things out. His contact had up and disappeared after the tip about the Mountain Dew Red. He didn’t know Rich all that well, but maybe Rich without a SQUIP was the kind of guy Michael would like to know. 

Most of this changed when Michael got to school. There was Jeremy staring through him as if he didn’t exist. He walked like he had better places to go,  _ hell,  _ michael thinks,  _ he probably does.  _ Jeremy flirts with Jenna a bit and she grabs his arm. Brooke approaches them, looking murderous, before stalking away. 

Then Jeremy grins at him, just like old times, except he wasn’t grinning at Michael, he was grinning at the group of people behind Michael. His heart breaks. He wanted Jeremy back. Not the newer, “better” Jeremy. his Jeremy. The Jeremy that would stay up with him all night getting stoned and playing video games. 

Jeremy smacks into Michael as he walks past. 

“Oops,” Jenna says, her tone sickly sweet. Jeremy doesn’t even slow down. No matter how many times he treats Michael like shit, it still hurts every time. Michael was getting really tired of this new arrangement. He finally managed to jerk open his locker and was greeted by the pictures of him and Jeremy that were posted all over the inside of his locker. With a snarl of anger he starts tearing the pictures down and shoving them into his bag. After school he’s going to have a cleansing fire. He’s going to cleanse himself of Jeremy. Clearly Jeremy was better off without him. He didn’t need Michael, he had a million and one girls hanging off of him all the time. Michael’s face twists into something mixed between a frown and a snarl. He was done waiting for Jeremy to realize that Michael loved him. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the pants song (Also a bonus RichJake scene in the hospital where both boys are high on pain meds and don't have the best impulse control when it comes to speaking)  
> Thanks for all your comments and kudos!  
> Tomorrow is the play and then after that, fluff and a happy ending

Jeremy doesn’t expect his dad to be sitting at the kitchen table when he strolls through. He almost pulls up short but the SQUIP keeps that from happening. 

“Where do you think you’re going, private?” his dad asks, looking up from the newspaper. Most people read the newspaper in the morning, but not Jeremy’s dad. That probably had something to do with the fact that Jeremy’s dad never got up before about ten-thirty everyday. 

“Uh, the play?” Jeremy says like it’s obvious. 

“What play? You’re in a play? Also, did you take my car on Halloween?” The way his father bounces from subject to subject makes it hard for Jeremy to follow along.

_ ‘Disdainful denial.’  _ The SQUIP says, referencing the last question.

“I-I don’t know what you’re t-talking about.” Jeremy fixates on the bottom of the leg of the table closest to him, feeling rotten all over. 

“Then I guess I should blame the car elves,” his father says sarcastically, tilting his head to the side and crossing his arms. 

“Do whatever you want.” Jeremy hears himself reply. He wants to gag. As much as he and his father didn’t get along, the way he was acting right now was not what his father deserved. His feet start to move towards the door.

“Did you take my car to that party?” His father’s voice makes him stop at the door. “I’m worried about you Jeremy. You come and go at all hours, doing God knows what. You wear these new clothes,  _ different  _ clothes. You don’t talk about Michael or hang out with him anymore. What’s going on with you?” His dad is standing now, hands planted on the table, his face open. 

_ ‘Tell him the truth.’  _ The SQUIP says, not sounding the least bit remorseful.

_ ‘B-but…’  _ Jeremy wants to tell him the truth, but he knows his father won’t understand. The SQUIP glares at him and Jeremy sighs.

“Itookapillthathadasupercomputerinitandnowittellsmewhattodosothatthepersonilikewilllikemeback.” Jeremy doesn’t take a breath the entire time he’s speaking and he’s looking at his dad nervously. 

“I’m sorry...what?” His father’s eyebrows have nearly reached his hairline. 

Jeremy takes a deep breath, “I took a pull that had a super computer in it and now it tells me what to do sothatthepersonilikewilllikemeback.” Jeremy looks at the ground, worried about what he would see on his father’s face. 

“Jeremy if you’re not going to take me seriously--”

Jeremy cuts him off, “Why should I?” He’s not sure where the words come from, but they’re not entirely from the SQUIP.

His dad looks caught off guard, “excuse me?”

“I’m supposed to believe you care now? Dad, have you looked in the mirror lately? Ever since mom left you’ve been moping around here, waiting for her to come back. And if she did, do you know what she’d find? A guy so wrapped up in his own misery that he can’t be bothered to take care of his own son or even put on pants.” Jeremy spits the words and then he immediately feels horrible. Pre-SQUIP Jeremy would never have even thought some of the things he just said.

“I could ground you.” His dad threatens, but he sounds more disappointed than anything.

“I dare you.” Jeremy jerks his chin up in defiance. His dad stands there, staring at him. “Good talk,” he sneers. Jeremy makes a show of taking the keys off the hook by the door.

“What happened to you Jeremy?” he hears his father murmur sadly. Jeremy’s struck by a feeling of guilt that fades away after a few seconds. 

~~~

_ Jeremy is in big trouble right now. It’s a trouble that he can’t see and I’ve gotta help him somehow. I don’t know what he wants, but I know what he needs. He’ll need a dad so strong, to help him not slip away. I haven’t been a dad for so long, but I think I’m ready today. I’m going to make that climb, one leg at a time, because when you love somebody you put your pants on for them.  _ Jeremy’s dad sets off down the street determinedly, a plan forming in his head.

~~~

Michael was sitting on his porch, smoking a joint as he piled different momentos into a metal trashcan. He had an entire box of photos, and ticket stubs, and other little things they had acquired over the years.  _ Magic the Gathering card he gave me the year no one else remembered my birthday. Burn it.  _ Michael reaches into the box and pulls out the next thing,  _ ticket stub from the first concert we went to, Weird Al. Super burn it.  _ He’s pulled from his thoughts by a man running down the street in bright red thermal underwear, shouting his name.

Michael squints, trying to make out who it was. As the man gets closer it dawns on him. The man was Jeremy’s dad. That was weird, for more reason than one. Jeremy’s dad rarely ever left the house anymore, and it was even more rare to see him wearing something that even slightly resembled pants. 

“MICHAEL!” Mr Heere shouts and Michael jumps, realizing that he was still holding the joint. He looks around nervously before dropping his hand down behind his leg, hopefully concealing the joint. 

“Mr Heere, Jeremy’s not here...Why’re you here?” Michael looks at him confused. Jeremy’s dad holds up one finger, gesturing for him to wait for a second while he caught his breath. 

“Actually I’m here because I want to talk about Jeremy.” He’s frowning deeply and still breathing heavily.

Michael mirrors his expression and sighs. “Well I hate to break it to you, but Jeremy and I aren’t friends anymore.” He looks down at the trashcan, his expression a mix of disdain and forlorn.

“Michael, Do you love Jeremy?” 

Mr Heere’s question catches him off guard. Michael blinks at him for a moment, not sure how to reply. “I, uh, what?” Michael chews on his lip, not sure what to say. 

“Listen, you and I both know he can be a little shit sometimes. But that’s no excuse to sit around burning incense while he goes down a path he can’t recover from.” Mr Heere has his hands on his hips and wills Michael to understand without having to tell him about Jeremy’s feelings. 

“Jeremy has made it real clear that he doesn’t need my help.” Michael grumbles, turning around to head inside. Mr Heere runs around him to block the door and suddenly Michael knows how Jeremy felt at Jake’s party. 

“He needs you Michael. I don’t know what he’s going through, and I don’t have the tools to understand and help him, but you, you do. You’ve always understood him, even when his mom and I didn’t.” His face is pleading and Michael’s resolve starts to crumble.

“But I’m not what he wants,” his voice is sad. 

“But you’re just what he needs. You always have been. Sometimes Jeremy’s just too stupid to realize it. But every time he gets in a snit you can’t just leave him. He’s not good at dealing with these things, I mean, look at the role model he’s had. But, the point is, when you love somebody you put your pants on.” Mr Heere nods decisively, like this settles everything. 

“Y-you came here...because you need...pants?” Michael’s frowning, growing more confused by the second. 

“Th-that’s the part you get hung up on. N-no I don’t need pants. W-well I do--that’s not why I’m here. I need you to reach out to Jeremy. He won’t listen to me, and I can’t blame him. But he needs someone to watch his back.” Mr Heere claps his hand on Michael’s shoulder. 

“If I’m going to try harder to be his friend, you’ve got to try harder to be his dad. There’s a kohls down the street. I don’t care what kind--jeans, khaki, leather. You’re not leaving that store until you buy a pair.” Michael backs up from Mr Heere, careful not to fall off the porch. He takes a deep breath, it looks like his trip to visit Rich was back on. 

“You drive a hard bargain son.” He nods once again, stepping aside so Michael could go inside. “When you love somebody, you put your pants on for them.” He says in lieu of a goodbye. 

~~~

Michael was pacing outside of Rich’s room, running his hand through his hair nervously. The nurse that’s passed him three times already stops and waits for him to look at her. “Honey, look, he hasn’t had a single visitor, so, no matter what you did thats making you so nervous, I guarantee that boy isn’t going to care. Especially because he’s full of some serious pain meds. So go apologize or do whatever it is you need to do.” She smiles at him encouragingly 

He takes a deep breath and pushes open the door. Rich was covered from head to toe in wraps and he looked absolutely miserable. “Anti-social headphones kid,” Rich says, but it wasn’t in his normal voice, the voice he used was much more insecure and made the ‘s’s sound a little off. 

“It’s, um, Michael, actually, and, um, I was wondering, if I could, um, talk to you, about, um, about your SQUIP.” He hovers by the door, not sure if Rich would react angrily and he would need to flee. 

“Oh, okay, yeah. Uh, what do you want to know?” Rich starts to move his arm and then he winces. Michael goes into the room a bit more.

“Did, uh, did the fire get rid of it?” He scratches the back of his neck and creeps closer still to the edge of Rich’s bed. 

Rich sighs, “no, it, uh, it didn’t. But the drugs they’ve got me on keeps it off, or at least, keeps it from doing any real damage, when it comes on now it’s always talking in other languages.” He frowns at the end of his sentence. Something else about Rich’s speech pattern was off, but Michael had bigger fish to fry right now.

“Can you have things to like eat or drink?” Michael asks, swinging his bag around to dig in it. 

“I, uh, I don’t think so…” Rich looks at him oddly. Michael triumphantly produces a bottle with an inch of Mountain Dew Red in the bottom. “Dude.” He says, looking at Michael with wide eyes.

“Y-yeah, it’s nerdy, I know. But, um, when you won’t get in trouble for it, or it won’t, like, kill you, drink this. It should, uh, it should shut it down.” Michael sets the bottle awkwardly on the table next to Rich’s head. 

“You have no idea how much this--” 

He’s cut off by the door swinging open to reveal Jake sitting in a wheelchair, an irate looking nurse standing behind him. “This is some devoted boyfriend you’ve got here,” she announces, wheeling him into the room. Both boys stutter and turn red at this accusation. “He’s been pestering me for the past three days to come and see you. It was cute at first.” She glares down at Jake, who still hadn’t composed himself. “I’ll wait for you out in the hall, Jacob.” She looks between the three boys and goes to stand outside the door. 

“I am so so--” Rich starts but he quickly turns red and stops speaking. Jake grins at him. Michael looks between the two boys and backs from the room. 

“Rich, I accept your apology, but can you say it again, please?” Jake bites his lip, his grin softens into something much more affectionate. Rich doesn’t notice though and just shakes his head. 

“I can’t. Be-because, you’ll make fun of me.” He goes to bury his face in his hands but winces when he tries to move his arms. Jake awkwardly propels his wheelchair forward. 

“I would never. Please can you say it again, for me?” He resists the urge to grab Rich’s hand, fidgeting with his own nervously in his lap. 

Rich looks away from him, his face bright red, “I am so sorry Jake.” 

At this Jake reaches out and lightly wraps his hand around Rich’s mindful of the burns. Rich looks at him, eyes wide. 

“What, um…” Rich pauses for a second, mulling something over, “why did I need t-to repeat it if you already f-forgave me?” He carefully avoids using any words with ‘s’s in them, and Jake notices. 

Jake turns red and sputters, pulling away from Rich to bury his face in his hands, “because murmisprisrute” he mumbles into his hands and the edge of Rich’s bed. Rich’s nose scrunches in confusion. 

“What?” He asks, trying to move his head to see Jake’s face. Before Jake can reply the nurse that brought him into Rich’s room comes back.

“Well, Jacob, you have a visitor so we need to go.” She grabs the handles of his wheelchair. Despite the pain in his shoulder, Rich flings his arm enough to grab Jake’s hand.

“W-wait. What did you s-say, Jake?” He stumbles through the sentence, blushing furiously the entire time. Jake looks at the nurse beseechingly and she steps back, letting Jake push himself closer to Rich’s head.

“I said, because your lisp is cute.” His voice is low and soft. Rich’s head jerks to face him.

“Wh--y-you c-can’t just l-leave n-now.” Rich starts to fidget like he’s going to try and get up. The nurse carefully rests her hand on his.

“He can come back later, you need to focus on getting better or they won’t be letting you have any visitors.” She starts to pull Jake away but as he passes Rich’s hand he grabs it quickly and squeezes. It only makes Rich blush darker as he’s left alone to his thoughts. 

_ Jake think’s my lisp is cute? Does that mean Jake thinks I’m cute? Does that mean he likes me? I’ve never seen Jake with a guy before. He might’ve meant that in a totally platonic way...but if he did, you’d think it wouldn’t be so embarrasing…  _ Rich purses his lips, intent on trying to get some answers from Jake when he comes back.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is the play. it's also a pretty long chapter (like eight pages in my word processor or something)  
> It's mostly Jeremy's point of view, but we get a bit of Michael's after Jeremy passes out.  
> Only on scene in the script left then its just fluff with a tiny bit of angst to wrap it up  
> Thanks for all of your lovely comments!

Christine was addressing the audience, thanking them for everything imaginable and then she thanked the cast, and the tech crew, and the backstage crew, and Jeremy was pretty sure that everyone in the audience was starting to fall asleep. Mr Reyes coughed at her from backstage and she wrapped it up. Jake had joined them backstage, walking on his broken legs with a cheap pair of crutches. 

“Places everyone! Okay, break a leg!” Christine says cheerfully before looking at Jake and blanching slightly. “Sorry Jake.” She turns around and looks at the cast. She locks eyes with Jeremy and approaches him after the cast disperses. “Jeremy! Where have you been? Mr Reyes made himself your understudy!” Christine looks absolutely distressed. 

“Wait, isn’t he Rich’s understudy too?” Jeremy runs through the script in his head, cataloguing all the times that he and Rich were supposed to have scenes together.

“Yes! This is why it’s a disaster!” She throws her hands up in the air despondently. Jeremy cautiously approaches her and pats her on the arm awkwardly. “But you’re here, so he can just be Rich’s understudy I guess. And Jake is here too, which is weird because he has two broken legs…” She frowns and sighs deeply.

“Hey so you remember how the other day you talked about not knowing who you are?” Jeremy asks, biting his lip.

“Y-yeah…” She looks at him, suspicious, not sure where he’s going with this conversation topic. Mr Reyes bursts in before Jeremy can say anything else. He’s barely managed to squeeze himself into Jeremy’s costume. 

“Oh, Mr Heere.. You’ve decided to grace us with your presence. I suppose that means you’ll be wanting your costume back.” He frowns and sulks off to change. 

Jeremy’s SQUIP pops up, making an appearance for the first time since he left home.

_ ‘Listen, I’m thinking we shouldn’t SQUIP everyone…’  _ Jeremy reaches for the shoebox, intending to take it back to Rich’s locker. When he opens the box, he finds it empty.

_ ‘I anticipated your resistance to the plan, so I took care of it.’  _ The SQUIP looked incredibly smug as he stood there. Jeremy glared at him, refusing to be the first one to look away. 

Mr Reyes comes in, clapping to get everyone’s attention. “Places for scene two everyone! Remember, once Puck gives you the Pansy Serum you have to really  _ sell  _ that you’re turning into a Zombie!” He’s grinning eccentrically before turning to Chloe, “excellent work Ms Valentine.”

“W-wait a second, Chloe’s terrible!” Jeremy stands there, connecting all the pieces, “Mr Reyes, what’s in the Pansy Serum?”

“Oh don’t worry about the color. It’s perfectly non-toxic. We don’t want a repeat of last year’s Arsenic and Old Lace debacle. It’s just plain old Mountain Dew! Oh and Jenna Rolan put these Wintergreen Tic-Tacs in the bottom.” Mr Reyes smiles gleefully and hands Jeremy his costume. 

Jeremy’s eyes are wide, “you can’t let anyone drink from that beaker!” He tries to run after the stagehand carrying the beaker but Mr Reyes’ arm shoots out to block his path. 

“Don’t be silly, I tried it myself.” 

Jeremy’s SQUIP appears.  _ ‘Up. Up. Down. Down. Left. Right. A.’  _ Mr Reyes straightens up and he grabs Jeremy’s arm as he tries to go after the beaker again. His grip is surprisingly tight. 

Mr Reyes gets in Jeremy’s face. “I can’t let you do that.” He propels them backwards until Jeremy is stuck between him and the wall. “You. Needy. Pathetic. Self-centered. Students. Do you think I wanted to teach high school drama in  _ New Jersey?  _ My SQUIP says I can go all the way to Broadway! I just have to make sure  _ you  _ don’t ruin my big night.” He’s snarling and Jeremy has to resist the urge to bring his hand up to wipe his face. 

Mr Reyes releases him and goes on stage. Jeremy spots the beaker and was just getting ready to go upend it when his SQUIP appears in front of him.  _ ‘What’re you doing to them?’  _ Jeremy asks, eyeing the beaker. 

_ ‘I’m syncing their desires to yours.’  _ The SQUIP says like it’s obvious,  _ ‘I now realize: my operating system can only truly be complete when everyone shares a social network.’  _ They look around at the remaining cast members. Jeremy follows the SQUIP’s eyes, but hesitates when he sees Brooke reviewing her lines. She doesn’t know them at all. 

She sighs and looks around. Her eyes land on the beaker. “Brooke no!” Jeremy calls, trying to move towards her but the SQUIP stops him, dealing him a shock for trying to go against them. Brooke looks at him and then takes a large drink of the serum. She grabs her head and her knees buckle. She’s on her feet again in an instant, except she suddenly knows all her lines and delivers them with a fervor that bordered on terrifying. With a feral smile she runs on stage.

Jeremy turns towards his SQUIP, an accusatory look on his face.  _ ‘You’re going to SQUIP the whole cast!’ _

The SQUIP laughs maliciously,  _ ‘That’s just for starters!’ _

_ ‘This is not what I wanted!’  _ Jeremy cries, throwing his hands up in the air.

_ ‘It’s the  _ only  _ way to achieve what you want.’  _ The SQUIP says smugly.

_ ‘Then I’ll--I’ll fight back. Alcohol messes you up right? I’ll get drunk!’  _ He’s struggling to find a way to get rid of the SQUIP. If only he had listened to Michael at the party.  _ Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  _ He chants to himself, wanting to go back and do the last few months all over again. 

_ ‘And I’ll be back when you’re sober. Unless you plan on staying wasted forever?’  _ The SQUIP’s posture is haughty and arrogant and so goddamn smug that Jeremy just wants to slap that expression right off them. 

_ ‘You’re a computer, there has to be some way to turn you off.’  _ He paces back and forth, running his hands through his hair in distress. 

_ ‘I would stop there. You don’t want to end up like Rich.’  _ The SQUIP’s voice is threatening. Unlike before, Jeremy’s blood doesn’t run cold. He thinks back to the party. After Rich got drunk what did he do besides set a fire? It all clicks. 

_ ‘That’s it! Green Mountain Dew activates you, but red shuts you off!’  _ Jeremy grins triumphantly. 

_ ‘Why do you think we had it discontinued? To get rid of me now you’d need a time machine to the 1990’s!’  _ Their voice is even more arrogant than before. But the SQUIP had forgotten one thing, he forgot the one person Jeremy never would.

_ ‘Or a friend so old school that he buys 90’s soft drinks in the back of Spencer’s gifts!’  _ Jeremy is already going for his phone, praying that Michael would pick up, praying that Michael would help him, just once more. 

_ ‘Too bad you don’t have one of those, anymore.’  _ The SQUIP sneers at him, he must’ve envisioned this as one of the possible futures, that was why he pushed so hard for Jeremy to abandon Michael. 

Jeremy unlocks his phone and gets the voice command system turned on “MICHAEL! CALL MICHAEL!” he shouts, his voice breaking slightly as he fights the SQUIP for control. They make him throw the phone but he can tell it’s dialing. 

_ ‘It’s useless resisting, Jeremy. I’m going to improve your life, if I have to take over the entire student body to do it!’  _ They looms over Jeremy, looking incredibly threatening. Jeremy stares right back in the SQUIP’s face, issuing a silent challenge. The SQUIP shoves him across the room and Jeremy is surprised when his body actually goes flying. He lands next to his phone, he could hear Michael shouting on the other end. 

“JEREMY? JEREMY?” His voice was getting louder. He sounded worried. Jeremy almost smiles. That was why he could never tell Michael about his feelings, he was too good for Jeremy. Jeremy was a douche and Michael cared for him, no matter how many times he screwed up. The door behind Jeremy bangs open. He twists around and is greeted by Michael standing in the doorway. 

“MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE!” He shouts before crouching next to Jeremy and checking him for visible injuries. 

“Michael,” Jeremy says, but it comes out as more of a sigh. He doesn’t think he has ever been so happy to see Michael before.

Michael smiles at him, offering him a hand to stand up. “I was in the audience thinking, ‘hey this is pretty good for a school play’. Then I realized ‘wait! This is way too good for a school play’! They’ve all been SQUIP-ed, right?” He’s looking around, acting like Jeremy’s SQUIP was something he could physically fight. He looked ready to fight Jeremy’s SQUIP. 

“Y-you came to see me in the play?” Something warm blooms in Jeremy’s chest, despite the fact that an evil supercomputer was trying to--and mostly succeeding--take over the school play. 

Michael just grins back at him, producing something proudly from his bag, “even brought my own refreshments!”

“Is that…” Jeremy trails off, his face brightening exponentially. 

“Mountain Dew Red. I told you I did my research.” Michael grins triumphantly but backs up when Jeremy reaches for the bottle. “Okay, wait. No.” He holds it above his head, knowing that the few inches of height he had on Jeremy would make all the difference in the world. 

“But I-I need it to get rid of the SQUIP.” Jeremy is standing right in front of Michael, invading his personal space.

“And I need an apology. You’ve either treated me like I don’t exist or like a piece of shit these past few months. And when I offer to help you, you blow me off. But now all of a sudden, because you decide you want it, everything’s all good again? No way, man.” Michael backs up from him, his face closed off. The SQUIP appears next to him, mirroring Michael’s expression. 

“Michael, I am so, so sor--” 

The SQUIP cuts him off with a vicious laugh.

“Is it seriously that hard to say sorry!? You started out so sincere but you just can’t say it, can you?” Michael snarls slightly. 

“Y-yes. The SQUIP is sto--is st--I-I need your help Michael.” The way Jeremy says it conveys the message clear enough. It wasn’t that Jeremy needed Michael--even though he did--it was that he was sorry, even if he couldn’t use those words. 

“I’m sorry Jeremy, but I really just need to hear those words.” Michael’s face was reserved.

Jeremy’s face falls, “please, it’s just a word Michael, I’ll say it a million times, just not now.” His voice is pleading. 

“It’s a gesture. An important one. Why can’t you just say it now?” Michael’s voice is incredulous. 

“Please Michael,” Jeremy’s voice breaks at Michael’s name as the SQUIP wrestles control of his body from him. His eyes go wide, “M-Mich-Michael. G-go.” He tries to shove Michael away from him but instead the SQUIP balls his hands and makes a fist. Michael was standing there looking confused. 

“Why’re you doing this Jeremy? I thought you were sorry?!” Michael dodges his fists until the SQUIP has him backed against a wall. The SQUIP balls Jeremy’s fist tighter and raises his arm. 

_ ‘Lights out,’  _ he sings gleefully. Just as he’s about to let the fist fly Jeremy takes control of his body back. He flings himself to the floor.

“M-Mich-Mikey, I-I need h-help.” His body was jerking around on the ground as he and the SQUIP battled for control. Michael throws himself down on top of Jeremy, trying to keep him still. It’s not working very well and he has to set the Mountain Dew down to hold Jeremy’s arms to the ground. 

Jake comes around the corner just then, not even keeping up the illusion of using the crutches to walk. “Jake! This is going to sound weird, but if I hold Jeremy down can you make him drink this?” He’s struggling to keep Jeremy’s body still, astounded by his strength. 

“That doesn’t sound weird at all!” He says cheerfully and grabs the bottle off the ground. 

Jeremy’s SQUIP manifests itself behind Jake. “NO” he shouts. Surprising both Jake and Michael.

_ ‘Up. Up. Down. Down. Left. Right. A.’  _

Jake straightens up and laughs. He dumps the Mountain Dew out, tossing the bottle and dancing around “I was already pretty boss before, but now I’m totally boss and then some more! I’m living the upgrade!”  

Jeremy stops thrashing to stare at Jake. “Wait, did the SQUIP heal your legs?” Right after he says this it dawns on him that Michael was pinning him down. His face burns as he tries to direct his thoughts somewhere else, anywhere else. Jeremy’s thoughts are pulled back to the more pressing issue when Brooke and Chloe stalk into the room. 

“There you are Jeremy.” They say in complete tandem. 

Brooke walks up to him and squats next to his head. She lays her hand on his cheek, but quickly grabs his chin and forces him to look at her, “I just want you to know, I’m not mad you broke my heart and cheated on me with my best friend.” She sends Chloe a look that could hardly be construed as anything less than loving. 

Chloe squats on the other side of Jeremy’s head and Brooke turns his head towards her. “And I just want you to know, I’m not mad you dated my best friend and didn’t sleep with me.” 

Brooke gasps and looks at Chloe in surprise, “ He didn’t sleep with you?” Chloe shakes her head and grins at Brooke. “He didn’t sleep with me!” They stand and grin at each other. 

“OMG why was I so jealous of him!?” They say in tandem, and as touching as it was to witness their almost admission of feelings, Jeremy would very much like to be SQUIP-less. They let out a girly shriek and hug, pulling everyone’s attention. 

“M-Michael” Jeremy whispers, “th-there’s a few drops left, i-in the bottle.” He keeps his voice as quiet as possible, not wanting to alert the others. Michael looks over at the bottle, it was across the room, with all of the SQUIP-ed students between them. 

Michael leans down, only to make sure he’s as quiet as possible of course, “how am I supposed to reach it?” His breath moves Jeremy’s hair and prompts him to take a shuddering breath before replying.

“Apocalypse of the damned, level nine,” he eventually replies, his face bright red. Michael nods and grins at Jeremy before jumping up and quickly working his way across the room. Jenna appears in front of him as he scoops up the bottle. She resembles the final boss of the level Jeremy had just referenced. 

“I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING MICHAEL! I KNOW WHAT EVERYONE IS DOING, ALL THE TIME!” Jenna roars. 

“I just feel so connected to you guys right now!” all of the other SQUIP zombies shout, descending on Michael. 

“Jeremy!” He cries, launching the bottle at Jeremy with as much strength as he could muster. It flies in a perfect spiral to land at Jeremy’s feet. The SQUIP had taken back control of Jeremy’s body. 

_ ‘You don’t want to drink that, Jeremy.’  _ The SQUIP says in a smooth voice.

“WHY NOT?!” Jeremy shouts, not having the patience to reply in his head, not to mention that he wanted the added effect of shouting in the SQUIP’s face. 

_ ‘Because then you can never be with  _ him,  _ or with  _ her.” They reference Michael, who was being restrained by the SQUIP zombies. Jeremy looks over at him, his face sad. The SQUIP turns his head to look at the door from the stage. Christine enters, she looks radiant.

“Jeremy?” She’s grinning, “did you see me out there? I killed it! They loved me!”

Jeremy laughs awkwardly, “That’s--I mean, of course they did!” 

“I’m so glad I found you,” she says, walking up to him. “I wanted to tell you, I love you. I might even love you more than I love play rehearsal.” 

Jeremy’s mouth drops open as he tries to back away. “That is not Christine!” 

_ ‘I assure you, it is! Only her fears and insecurities have been removed.’  _ He propels Jeremy forward slightly. 

“Don’t you have anything to say to me, Jeremy?” Christine asks, looking at him pointedly. 

_ ‘That’s your queue,’  _ The SQUIP narrows their eyes at Jeremy, waiting to see what he would do.

_ ‘She’ll do whatever I want?’  _ Part of a plan was forming in Jeremy’s mind as he bent down to retrieve the bottle of Mountain Dew Red. 

_ ‘That’s what I promised!’  _ The SQUIP cries happily, not bothering to notice Jeremy’s thoughts. 

Jeremy grins, “drink this,” he says to Christine, shoving the bottle into her hands. She nods happily before downing the rest of the drink. Her head jerks down and she falls to the floor screaming. The rest of the SQUIP zombies scream and drop. Jeremy is the last one to fall, as his eyesight starts to fade to black he sees Michael running towards him, a terrified look on his face. 

~~~

Michael saw the SQUIPs start to fail and he was already on his way to Jeremy when he started to go down. He reaches Jeremy just as he hits the ground. “No, no, no, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he cries, pulling Jeremy into his arms. Then health class from the summer after freshman year flashes into his head. He and Jeremy learned how to take a pulse in that class. He gently presses his fingers to Jeremy’s neck, looking for the pulse point. 

There! It was faint, but Jeremy’s heart was still going. Michael felt like he could collapse with relief. Parents come running into the room a moment later, many of them on the phone with 911 already. They move around Michael and Jeremy, not paying them any attention. Jeremy’s dad appears a moment later. He looks at Michael, the question on his face not one he was willing to verbalize. 

Michael just smiles at him and nods. Jeremy’s dad sinks to his knees next to the two boys. Michael clears his throat awkwardly, “Uh, Mr Heere, I know this probably isn’t the best time, but I think I love your son.” He looks down at Jeremy’s face lovingly.

Jeremy’s father laughs loudly and claps Michael on the shoulder. “I knew it!” Michael finds himself smiling too, despite the circumstances. The paramedics fight their way through the crowd, clearing out anyone but immediate family. Jeremy’s dad supports Michael when he fights to stay with Jeremy. The paramedics just look between the two boys and sigh, giving in. As Michael looks down at Jeremy’s face he realizes that he hasn’t seen Jeremy look this at peace in years, maybe in a way, the SQUIP-ening was a good thing. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is the first time that I've really just kinda thrown out the script, but since Jeremy has given up maintaining the facade of his crush on Christine, there really was no reason for him to run out of the hospital and search for her.  
> (This chapter was basically how many sappy basically dating but it's not official tropes can I fit in one chapter without being too obvious so let me know what you think!)  
> Thanks for sticking with me this long and for being so supportive!

Jeremy’s eyes are sealed shut, he has to painstakingly reach up and pry them open. “Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.” He chants, blinking slowly, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the starkness of the hospital room. He finally notices that there’s someone else in the room. Their face is blurred and Jeremy blinks at them a few times, trying to get them to come into focus. 

“H-hello?” Jeremy says, trying to sit up. A jolt of pain shoots down his spine and he puts his head between his knees and breathes deeply for a moment. 

“Feels like you’re missing a part of yourself, doesn’t it?” The voice startles Jeremy, partly because it’s familiar, but mostly because it’s not completely familiar. He blinks a few more times until Rich slowly comes into focus. He’s wrapped head to toe in gauze, but his head is turned towards Jeremy and he’s grinning. “Be honest,” Rich says, his lisp becoming more prominent, “what’re they saying about me at school? Is it bad?” 

Jeremy just blinks at him for a second. “Sorry,” he grimaces, finally able to sit up straight. A breeze across his back reminds him that he’s wearing a hospital gown. 

“Sorry?” Rich looks at him, caught off guard. “I’m  _ finally  _ free of that,” he snorts, “shiny, happy, hive mind. Now the, uh, ladies and the guys, will get to know the real Rich Goranski. Oh, just so you know, I’m totally bi now.” Rich is grinning and he keeps looking at the door like he’s waiting for someone. 

“W-wait. Your SQUIP’s gone? B-but how?” Jeremy runs his hand through his hair with a sigh. 

“Ask your buddy. Antisocial Headphones Kid. He’s been here like a ton, but the way. What is he, your boyfriend? No judgement, he’s actually pretty cute, I me--”

Jeremy surprises both of them by cutting him off “Y-yeah h-he is p-pretty c-cute--” Jeremy snaps his mouth shut when Michael waltzes through the door. 

“Who’s pretty cute? You got a crush Jeremy?” Michael waggles his eyebrows at him and Jeremy blushes furiously and flops back on the bed, suddenly remembering the fact the back of his hospital gown was open.

“N-no.” Jeremy shakes his head vehemently. 

Michael laughs wholeheartedly, “whatever you say buddy.” He goes to pull the curtain shut between Rich and Jeremy’s beds, “I’m sure someone special will be lucky to have you,” he laughs, especially when Rich makes a disgruntled noise at being shut out of the conversation. 

Michael pulls the chair up to the head of Jeremy’s bed. 

“Wh-what happened?” Jeremy asks, rubbing his temples, “all I remember is th-that horrible noise, th-then s-someone, y-you I think, calling m-my name.” He sighs deeply, glad that he could actually  _ see  _ Michael for the first time in months, no more worrying about being punished for it. 

“Oh man, it was crazy. So they were communicating right? Which means they were linked. So when Christine drank the Mountain Dew Red and emitted that supersonic scream then it interfered with the fre--”

“My head st-still hurts,” Jeremy cuts Michael off and feels terrible when his face falls. 

“R-right. Sorry.” He hangs his head, biting his lower lip. 

“N-no!” Jeremy shouts, surprising them both. “I’m the one that should be apologizing. Even after everything I did, you were still there for me. I-if I ask wh-why, w-would you tell me?” Jeremy looks at him and his eyes are so full of emotion that Michael looks away. 

“I can’t take all the credit. Your dad can be shockingly persuasive,” Michael shrugs, playing it off. Jeremy opens his mouth to respond but closes it quickly when his dad comes into the room. His eyes widen when he sees that his dad was wearing actual pants. 

“Jeremy, are you okay?” His father asks worriedly, standing at the foot of his bed. 

“I’m great ac--”

“That’s fantastic because you’re grounded. There are going to be some seri--okay what, why’re you grinning like a homicidal maniac?” His father looks unimpressed but Jeremy just can’t stop smiling.

“Y-you’re wearing pants,” he tries--and fails--to keep the mirth out of his voice. 

His father rolls his eyes, “Listen, I’m your father and I wear the pants around here. Now tell me, who is this Christine person and why did I have to hear about her from him?” He nods his head to Michael. Jeremy shoots Michael a look that says they’re going to talk about this later.

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t ever actually like her, she’s actually just a good friend. Plus I’m pretty sure she likes Jake.” 

“WHAT!?” Rich shouts from the other side of the curtain, drawing three looks of surprise. Jeremy’s father pulls back the curtain to reveal a very unhappy Rich. 

“You good buddy?” Jeremy asks, giving him a strange look. Rich blanches and nods, looking away from them to try and hide his blush.

“But it doesn’t really matter who Christine is because I like someone else right now anyways.” Jeremy just grins at Michael and his father when they both look at him, the question of who written obviously across their faces. Jeremy’s father looks between the two boys.

“Well I’ve got to get to work, and I think you guys have some things to talk about.” He gives Michael a meaningful look that has Jeremy looking between them questioningly. He pats Jeremy on the top of his foot before leaving the room, waving at Rich on the way out. 

“Can we go on a walk or something?” Jeremy asks awkwardly, peering around Michael to glare at Rich, who was obviously eavesdropping. “I’ve got some stuff I want to tell you, but I’d prefer to do it without an audience.” He narrows his eyes even more and Rich finally gets the message and pretends to study the ceiling intently. 

“Y-yeah, of course dude. Your dad left a bag of clothes here. Can you, um, get, um, changed by, um, by yourself?” Michael asks, red as a lobster. Jeremy laughs despite his own embarrassment.

“I think I’ll be fine, but if you’re offering,” he adds the last part with a smile and a half shrug. Michael sputters and tosses a duffle bag on the bed at Jeremy’s feet, nearly running from the room. Jeremy pulls on his pants underneath the gown before turning towards the wall and pulling the gown off. 

“Whoa dude, have you seen your back?” Rich nearly shouts from his bed. Jeremy jumps and rushes to pull down his shirt. “It’s all covered in scars. Man, did your SQUIP do that to you?” 

Jeremy cautiously runs his fingers across the small of his back, feeling the raised and puckered skin there. He nearly collapses, grabbing onto the bed to keep himself upright. Michael clears his throat loudly before coming back into the room.

“Jer, you read--hey are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” In an instant he was across the room, standing in front of Jeremy, helping support him. “Are you sure we need to go on this walk right now?” He’s holding tightly to Jeremy’s elbows and it’s all too natural for Jeremy to grab his forearms and hold on until his brain cleared slightly. 

“Yes. You deserve an explanation, a-at the very least. And an apology, actually, like f-five or six.” He starts to shuffle forward until Michael is forced to pivot to the side to let Jeremy by. Jeremy doesn’t let go of both of Michael’s arms, holding on to one as his lifeline as they make their way slowly from the room. “I-is there somewhere we can go outside?” 

Michael takes him to the elevators and down to the first floor. He leads Jeremy out into a little courtyard that was mostly vacant. They find a bench and once they’re seated Jeremy turns to face Michael. “I have some things I need to say and I need you to be quiet until I’m done or I might not finish.” He waits for Michael to nod before continuing “I need to start with the fact that I am so sorry, and if you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. You deserve someone so much better than me as a best friend. I didn’t realize how good I had it--how amazing you are--until it was all gone. 

“There’s also something else you should know, my SQUIP, it, uh, it looked like you. And it, um, it said and did some pretty horrible things. I just want you to know that, because sometimes when I look at you, I see my SQUIP. Normally it was easy to tell you guys apart, but sometimes it wasn’t. He kept me away from you. And it was killing me. Every time I--” he takes a shuddering breath, closing his eyes tightly and timing his breaths to a count of four a few times before continuing, “Every time I th--” 

Michael puts his hand on Jeremy’s knee softly, “Jer, we don’t have to do this right now. I talked to Rich a bit while you were unconscious and he explained some things to me. I forgave you a long time ago Jeremy.” Michael smiles softly and before he can stop himself or think better of it Jeremy is crying. 

“I-I’m really sorry Michael.” He hugs himself and turns away, trying to force himself to stop crying. Unbidden he hears the SQUIP sneer at him  _ that’s right just cry like a fucking baby. That’ll get him to like you.  _ Jeremy claps his hands over his ears as his breathing starts to accelerate. Then gentle hands are prying his off of his ears. 

“Jer, breathe with me.” Michael is squatting in front of Jeremy, looking up into his face worriedly. “In for four, out for four, right?” His voice is soft, consoling. Jeremy nods shakily and follows Michael’s breathing pattern. Once Jeremy’s breathing is steadier Michael reaches up and brushes away Jeremy’s tears. Jeremy flashes back to right after he’d gotten the SQUIP. HIs eyes go wide as he just takes Michael in, making sure he’s actually Jeremy’s Michael.

The worried look in his eyes and on his face confirms it for Jeremy and he falls forward into Michael’s arms. He’s crying again, but right now he doesn’t really care. “I really missed you Mikey. I don’t think I can live without you.” He’s mumbling all this into Michael’s shoulder not sure if he can hear a thing Jeremy is saying. 

Michael hears every word and he holds Jeremy tighter to himself. He had no idea what kind of hell Jeremy endured these past few months, but he wished he could hurt the SQUIP for making Jeremy feel like this. He’s not sure how long they’ve been kneeling on the ground when Jeremy starts to shiver. Michael pulls back to look at what Jeremy had pulled on. He was wearing a light t-shirt and jeans. Without even thinking about it Michael pulls his sweatshirt off and pulls it over Jeremy’s head. 

Jeremy has to resist the urge to sniff the hoodie, it smelled just like Michael. When he lets his eyes drift back up to Michael’s face he’s surprised to see Michael trying to smother a smile. “What?” He asks, furrowing his brows.

“It’s nothing, only that your hair got messed up, it’s sticking up in a million directions right now,” he’s smiling softly at Jeremy. Jeremy blushes darkly and reaches up to smooth it out but Michael grabs his hands. “Leave it.” He’s blushing now too and Jeremy has to forcibly tear his eyes away because he knows Michael would catch him staring. 

When he chances another look up, he catches Michael staring and Jeremy starts to feel like he might have a chance. Michael clears his throat roughly and stands, pulling Jeremy up with him. “We should probably get you inside before you catch a cold.” Jeremy nods, sticking close to Michael’s side and burying his face in the hoodie. When Michael looks down at him he laughs. The hoodie practically swallowed Jeremy whole, despite the fact that he wasn’t that much shorter than Michael. 

They’ve just stepped onto the elevator when a large crowd of people rushes in after them, squashing the two boys together against the back wall. Jeremy’s breathing starts to quicken as he presses himself harder into Michael’s side. Michael’s arm automatically goes around Jeremy’s shoulders, pulling him closer. The people get off at the floor before Jeremy’s but neither boy moves away. They don’t speak on the way back and when they walk into Jeremy and Rich’s room Rich whoops loudly. 

“Good for you dude! You told him!” Rich grins at them as the boys look at each other wide eyed before springing apart.

“Told him what?!” They question each other at the same time. They look at each other for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. Rich looks between them, confused.

“Oh shit. You didn’t tell him. My bad. Don’t mind me.” He stares up at the ceiling while Michael and Jeremy stare at each other. 

“I, uh…”Jeremy blushes and scratches the back of his neck, not sure what to say. “Can you stay for a while?” He winds his hands in the long sleeves, bringing them up in front of his face, afraid of what he would see on Michael’s.

“Of course,” Michael just grins at him leading the way to Jeremy’s section of the room. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a cute little wrap it up chapter, because after this, all that's left is the epilogue.  
> I hope you like it, it's cute and sappy, and has declarations of love.  
> Thanks for all of your comments and kudos!   
> Let me know what you think of this latest installment!

Jeremy was lying curled on his side, tucked up into Michael’s sweatshirt. Michael had his head resting on his arms that were resting on the bed. Jeremy wasn’t sure how long they had been talking when his eyes started to get heavy. Michael had gone silent a while ago, and when Jeremy looked over at him, he had drifted off. 

He was half-snoring in the most adorable way. 

Rich hissed at him, making him jump. Jeremy goes still, waiting to see if Michael would wake up. When he doesn’t Jeremy sits up and shoots a glare at Rich over Michael’s shoulders. 

“Dude, why didn’t you tell him?” Rich hisses in a poor attempt to keep his voice down. 

“I can’t!” Jeremy has to resist the urge to flop back on the bed, knowing that it would disturb Michael. Rich just looks at him with a raised brow. Jeremy sighs and runs his hand through his hair before resisting the urge to brush Michael’s curls back from his face. “He’s always been like this with me, loving, and touchy, and supportive. Plus look at him, he’s like the most attractive guy ever,” at this Rich snorts in disagreement, “and I’m just so plain.” 

“Let’s agree to disagree about him being the most attractive. Jake is worlds more attractive. But he’s pretty attractive. I mean, I’d tap that for sure,” Rich says with a cocky grin, knowing that his words would get to Jeremy.

“Rich, please just stop,” Jeremy groans in response. “Michael is just such a good person and I’m terrible. I just dropped him at the drop of a hat when I got my SQUIP. I didn’t even try and fight when it blocked him from my eyesight. I just let it happen. If I were really worthy of him, I’d’ve fought harder for him.” His eyes were downcast as he gently combed his fingers through Michael’s hair. Tears were silently streaking down his cheeks, the guilt nearly heavy enough to crush him. 

“Are you shitting me right now?!” Rich replies, outraged. Jeremy jerks and pulls back from Michael hastily worried he would wake up. “Jeremy, dude, have you seen your back? That’s all from the SQUIP punishing you. And I’m willing to bet that the main reason that it punished you was because of him. You did fight for him. I heard, that as soon as the SQUIP tried to punch him you took back control of your body. That’s nothing to scoff at. You didn’t ‘just let it happen’. Give me a fucking break for just a second and actually believe what I’m saying. Yeah, it hurt Michael when you ignored him, but he was so fucking happy to have you back. He didn’t leave your side after you got admitted, unless your dad made him. You’ve gotta give him a chance, Jeremy.” 

At the end of Rich’s passionate speech all Jeremy could do was blink at him. “I’m too tired to have this argument right now, Rich. We can argue about this after I take a nap. And if you wake Michael up or mess with him I’ll kill you. He’s so tired. He probably hasn’t been sleeping.” Jeremy looks down at Michael’s face and gently runs his finger under one of Michael’s eyes, tracing the dark circle there. Rich makes a sound indicating he understood but doubted that Jeremy could cause him bodily harm. Jeremy just rolls his eyes and curls back up on his side, facing Michael. 

~~~

Michael wakes up first, surprised to feel hot breath on his face and a hand wrapped tightly around his arm. He opens one eye hesitantly. Jeremy’s face was right in front of his and he was gripping Michael’s wrist like his life depended on it. He sits up and stretches as much as he can manage without disturbing Jeremy. 

“Hey man,” Rich greets when he notices that Michael was awake. Michael shifts to face him slightly and he tries to mask his surprise when he sees Jake sitting in a wheelchair next to Rich’s bed. “You have got to tell him.” He says, his eyes darting to Jeremy’s sleeping form. Jeremy had started mumbling something, his grip on Michael’s wrist tightening to the point where it was almost painful. 

Michael’s eyes go wide, “I can’t tell him!”

Rich drops his head back onto his pillow dramatically. “Jesus you two sound like broken records. Just fucking tell each other you like each other. It’s not that hard.” 

Michael laughs mirthlessly, “you make it sound like the easiest fucking thing in the universe. When you love your best friend, nothing is ever that easy.” Michael turns to look back at Jeremy, frowning when he sees that Jeremy’s eyebrows were all scrunched up and he was breathing harshly. He doesn’t acknowledge Rich when he says something else, watching Jeremy intently, trying to determine if Jeremy was suffering from a nightmare. 

A few seconds later Jeremy starts to shake and he starts mumbling something else. Michael leans down to try and figure out what he’s saying. “N-no. I-I need him. I need M-Michael--” Michael jerks back before leaning back down a little bit and resting his free hand on Jeremy’s arm.

“Jer,” he says softly, shaking Jeremy slightly, “Jer, wake up, I’m right here.” He tries to make his voice as soothing as possible. Shaking him wasn’t working so Michael moves his hand to Jeremy’s cheek, pushing back his hair, “Jeremy.” He repeats the motion a few times and Jeremy’s grip on his wrist tightens before his eyes jerk open, watery with unshed tears. He flings himself into Michael’s arms without a second thought.

“I-” he takes a shuddering breath, trying separate himself from the nightmare. Michael hugs him back tightly, trying not to notice that his shoulder was starting to get damp from Jeremy’s tears. Jeremy pulls back, wiping his eyes harshly. Michael catches Jeremy’s hands in his own. He bends to look into Jeremy’s face. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he offers softly, wanting to do something to help ease the obvious pain Jeremy was in. He nods softly, scooting over in a silent invitation for Michael to climb onto the narrow bed next to him. Michael holds up one finger, letting Jeremy know he’d be back before closing the curtain between Rich and Jeremy’s bed. Rich and Jake were having their own quiet conversation, paying the other two boys no attention. 

Jeremy follows Michael’s movements with his eyes, reassuring himself that Michael was still there. He comes back and climbs into the bed next to Jeremy. Michael holds his arm up in a silent invitation. Jeremy sits up slightly so Michael could put his arm around him. He lays his head on Michael’s shoulder, winding his fingers into the sweatshirt sleeves tightly. Michael reaches up and catches Jeremy’s hand in his, stilling it’s movements. 

“I, um, I was dr-dreaming about the SQUIP. I-it didn’t like that I th-thought about you s-so much. It t-told me that--that you--” he stops talking for a minute, burying his face in his hands. Michael rubs his arm, waiting for him to continue. “It-it told me th-that you--that you d-didn’t c-care about m-me and th-that I was--that I was wor-worthless. It, um, it t-told me I n-needed t-to get r-rid of y-you. Th-that I c-couldn’t s-see you a-anymore because y-you were only t-tolerating me a-and that y-you h-h-hated m-me and I-I couldn’t deal w-with it, c-can’t deal with it. It was w-wearing your f-face Michael. It t-told me _I_ _was_ _worthless_ a-and that y-you h-hated me and th-that I was w-wasting my t-time.” He has to stop speaking to breathe. He was shaking, struggling to hold himself together. 

Michael hugged Jeremy to him tightly, biting his lip. “Jeremy, Jer, look at me, please?” He asks softly. Jeremy shakes his head. “Jeremiah, please look at me.” The use of Jeremy’s full name gets his attention and he slowly raises his head to look at Michael’s face. Michael smiles softly, “Jer, I could never hate you. And I love having you around. You’re not worthless, not even close. You’re the reason I get up every morning.” He takes a second, preparing himself for what he’s about to say, “Jeremiah Heere, I love you.” He knows he’s blushing darkly, but it was worth it because Jeremy goes totally still, staring up at Michael like he was something from a dream. 

Jeremy slowly reaches up and rests his hand on Michael’s cheek. “Y-you love me?” There’s so much hope in his eyes it makes Michael’s heart soar. He nods, smiling widely. Jeremy starts crying and Michael’s face falls in a heartbeat. 

“No, no, no. Jeremy what did I do wrong? I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he wipes Jeremy’s tears and is surprised to see a smile on his face. Jeremy just smiles up at him softly, catching Michael’s wrist in his hand lightly. 

“Y-you don’t get i-it. I-I’m not sad. I-I’m happy. I’m s-so happy.” He takes a shuddering breath before sitting up and pulling Michael with him. Jeremy leans forward and pulls Michael’s head down so that their foreheads were touching, “I love you too, Michael, so much that it hurts,” he chuckles slightly at something that Michael doesn’t understand but he can’t much bring himself to care because Jeremy just said that he loved him. 

Both boys jump when Rich’s voice carries loudly over the curtain “OH JUST KISS ALREADY!” 

Jeremy bites his lip, trying to keep the laugh in, but it doesn’t work and Michael starts laughing soon after. They’re leaning on each other heavily, their laughter dying down as the past few minutes really settles in. 

“C-c-could you maybe say it again?” Jeremy asks shyly, not looking at Michael, instead choosing to pick at the fraying hem of Michael’s hoodie. 

Michael grins down at him. “I can say it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you.” Jeremy tilts his head back to smile at Michael, biting his lip and just looking at him. Michael rolls his eyes good-naturedly, curling his hand around the back of Jeremy’s head to pull him so that their foreheads were touching again. He slowly leans down, giving Jeremy plenty of time to tell him to back off. The call never comes and then they’re kissing and it’s so awkward but it’s so totally them that they can’t bring themselves to care. Michael pulls back slightly and Jeremy unconsciously follows him, causing Michael to chuckle slightly under his breath. 

“God, I love you so much,” he mumbles, glad to be able to say that whenever he wants. 

“So, th-this means we’re b-boyfriends now, r-right?” Jeremy asks, laughing slightly when he thinks about their backpacks. Michael nods and starts to lean down to kiss him again when Jeremy’s dad pulls back the curtain, hurriedly throwing a hand over his eyes. 

“AH! JEREMY!” His father says, packing as much awkward uncomfortableness into those two words as he can. Jeremy just flings himself back onto the bed dramatically. 

“Dad,” he groans, “we were in the middle of a moment and you ruined it.” He’s whining and he knows it, but Jeremy can’t much bring himself to care. 

“Well, I’m your father, it’s my job to ruin your moments with your boyfriend. I’d be going against the dad-code if I didn’t,” He’s laughing slightly at Michael’s red face. Jeremy had an arm thrown over his eyes, and he sighs dramatically. “Okay, okay, fine. I’ll leave so you guys can finish your moment.” He grins and flashes Michael a thumbs up before leaving the room and greeting Rich and Jake on the way out. 

“S-so, boyfriends then?” Jeremy smiles, sitting up. Michael nods, grinning widely despite his dark blush. He grabs the front of the hoodie, pulling Jeremy back to him. 

“Where were we?” He asks jokingly as he watches Jeremy blush from his neck to the tips of his ears. Jeremy twines his fingers through Michael’s hair, smiling when Michael’s eyes flutter shut. Before he can think better of it, Jeremy leans forward and presses a quick peck to his lips. Michael’s eyes shoot open and he raises a brow at Jeremy. “Is that how you want to play things?” His voice is a mixture of laughter and challenge as he scoots closer to Jeremy, leaning in and just barely brushing their lips together. Jeremy leans forward to deepen the kiss and Michael attacks. His fingers quickly find Jeremy’s side wiggling back in forth, grinning so widely that it hurts when Jeremy erupts into giggles and falls on the bed. 

“Mh-Mikey st-st-stop,” he begs, trying to move away from Michael but not getting very far. Michael was leaning over him now, his hair falling messily across his forehead. He pauses for a second, caught off guard when Jeremy grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him down. He laughs when Michael has to throw his arm out to brace himself. He smiles at Jeremy, leaning down the rest of the distance to connect their lips. Jeremy makes an unhappy noise when Michael pulls back and goes to stand. “No,” he whines, grabbing Michael’s arm and trying to pull him back.

“I’ll be right back, but I’m going to go tell your dad he can come back in because it’s probably about you getting discharged and I don’t know about you, but I feel like all this kissing stuff would be a lot more fun if we weren’t both trying to sit on a hospital bed.” 

Jeremy sighs and relents, sitting up and pulling Michael in for a quick kiss before releasing him and flopping back on the bed to pout.

“I’ll be right back,” Michael struggles to keep the laugh from his voice as he walks from the room. 

~~~

He returns with Jeremy’s father in tow. Without even thinking about it he goes to sit next to Jeremy on the bed and wraps his arm around Jeremy’s shoulders. Jeremy sighs and leans into his shoulder. After so many months without Michael, Jeremy wanted to spend as much time, as close to Michael, as he was allowed. Jeremy’s dad takes the chair, eyebrows raised at them. 

“Jeremy, as much as I hate to say it, I need to call your mom…” he trails off pausing for a few seconds while Jeremy silently freaks out, “...because I need to tell her that she owes me twenty dollars. When you guys both got Chicken Pox, because Michael was too stubborn to leave your side when you got them first, and then he caught them, and you refused to leave him. After that, we bet on how long it would take for you guys to confess your feelings. I had before the end of your senior year of high school so I win.” He’s grinning widely now and Michael laughs when all the tension leaves Jeremy’s body and he just slumps against Michael’s side. 

Jeremy smiles softly, “I remember that, God Mikey, we were the only ones that couldn’t see it.” He laughs as he buries his head in Michael’s chest. Michael squeezes Jeremy’s shoulder, his chest rumbling with a laugh. 

“Okay boys, I’m about to go sign discharge papers. Michael can you help him get packed? I’m assuming that you’re coming back with us, so do we need to stop and get clothes from your house?” He stands and brushes imaginary wrinkles out of his pants.

“I would really appreciate that Mr Heere. Thanks, for everything,” Michael says, holding Jeremy tight against him. Jeremy’s dad just grins at the two boys, shrugging slightly. He leaves and Michael stands, pulling Jeremy up with him. Jeremy grins up at him, winding his arms around Michael’s neck. He pulls Michael down into a quick kiss, relishing the fact he could do that whenever he wanted now. He grabs his bag in one hand and Michael’s hand in the other. 

“Wow, you guys look ready to take on the world,” Rich says, grinning at them when they stop to say goodbye. Jeremy just grins up at Michael, looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky. They start to leave and Rich’s soft, tentative voice stops them, “hey guys, I, um, I’m really sorry about how I treated you, and, um, I’d really like it if you’d like to try and be friends?” He looks really nervous and uncomfortable until Jake touches his arm softly. 

Jeremy smiles up at him, “yeah dude, of course, you’ve got my number, plus we’ll be around to visit.” 

Rich grins widely at them, waving happily as they leave the room.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this is the last one.  
> Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words they really kept me motivated to finish!  
> You'll have to let me know what you think of the whole think now that it's done  
> (PS you should all def go read my Richjake fic that's set in the same universe as this one)  
> Thanks again guys, you're all amazing (double thanks to the people who commented on every chapter it means a lot)

Jeremy and Michael were currently hanging out in Michael’s basement, trying to figure out how to weave new friendship bracelets. Michael was having far more success making Jeremy’s than Jeremy was having attempting to make Michael’s. 

He groans and tosses the strings away from him. It doesn’t go very far because Jeremy had safety pinned it to his pant leg to hold it still while he was working. Michael chuckles softly and leans over Jeremy’s shoulder to see why he was so upset. 

“Aw, babe, is it not working?” He asks teasingly, wrapping his arms around Jeremy when he throws himself back against Michael’s chest with a huff. Michael kisses Jeremy’s cheek sweetly before smoothing out Jeremy’s knotted string and untangling the mess. He makes a few knots then moves Jeremy’s hands through the motions. 

Jeremy was blushing as red as a tomato, trying not to stare at Michael out of the corner of his eye the entire time. Michael smiles crookedly when he catches Jeremy. “You know,” he says, trying to smother a laugh, “you’ll never learn if you don’t pay attention.” 

Jeremy just leans his head back on Michael’s shoulder with a sigh. “But you’re just so much more interesting.” He buries his face in Michael’s neck to hide his blush. Michael laughs and Jeremy feels it rumble through Michael’s chest as much as he hears it burst from his lips. 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, I just thought it would be fun.” He’s trying to crane his neck to look down at Jeremy and it’s just not working. 

“It is, it’s just that you’re so perfect and I’m so bad at everything.” Jeremy’s frowning deeply as he looks at the mess of string he’d like to call a bracelet. 

“Let’s do something else for a while, okay?” Michael suggests, tapping Jeremy’s leg in a silent request for him to move so Michael could stand. He groans and flings himself onto the ground. Michael laughs as he stands and goes to his stash. “You wanna smoke for a bit?” He’s already headed for the door, knowing Jeremy’s answer. They climb the stairs into the outside world and settle against the side of the house. Michael lights the joint and takes a long drag before passing it to Jeremy. Jeremy follows suit, holding the smoke in for a minute. After he exhales he turns to Michael. 

“You’re really pretty,” Jeremy says dreamily. Michael laughs at him and takes another drag before passing the joint back to Jeremy. He sighs, all the happiness from a few moments ago drained from his face. “Michael, I’m so sorry.” 

“What for Jer?” Michael brushes Jeremy’s hair back from his face gently. 

“I was so terrible to you. I don’t deserve you. How can you forgive me? I haven’t even forgiven me.” His eyes are watering and Michael pulls him into a hug.

“Because that wasn’t you. That was the SQUIP. It hurt you, and that was your way to survive.” He pulls back and wipes the tears from Jeremy’s face. Jeremy smiles sadly up at him.

“Michael you’re so amazing, I don’t know how I managed to trick you into falling in love with me, but I’m so glad it worked.” Jeremy pulls Michael into a sloppy, emotional kiss. Michael pulls back and rests their foreheads together. 

“I love you Jeremy, please don’t ever forget that.” Michael kisses him on the forehead before pulling back and taking the joint from him. 

After a few more drags, Jeremy is very high, his tolerance not yet built back up after his stint with the SQUIP. He’s sitting facing Michael, grinning like a dope. Michael raises his eyebrows, turning to face Jeremy. 

“Can I help you?” He asks, laughter obvious in his voice.

“Sorry, it’s just that you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Would you, um would you maybe like to go on a date with me sometime?” Jeremy blushes darkly, biting his lip and smiling shyly up at Michael. 

Michael laughs wholeheartedly, “sorry, but I have a boyfriend and I think he’d object.”

Jeremy’s face falls and his eyes start to tear up. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.” He turns from Michael and curls into a ball, sniffling pathetically. Michael rubs his back.

“Jer?” He asks, trying to stifle his laughter when Jeremy jumps. “You’re my boyfriend, remember?” Jeremy whirls around, his grin so wide that it must hurt. 

“I am?!” He looks overjoyed and Michael nods, grinning back at him. Jeremy throws himself into Michael’s arms and nearly knocks him down. He laughs as Jeremy places sloppy kisses all over his face.

“I love you so much you goofball.” Michael stands, pulling Jeremy with him. Jeremy leans against him heavily, stumbling as they make their way back to the door. Once they get back to the basement Jeremy drops onto the bed clumsily. Michael laughs as starts picking up the supplies from their friendship bracelet making endeavor. He un-safety pins Jeremy’s attempt at a friendship bracelet from his pants, lest he stick himself--or Michael--in his sleep. Jeremy rolls onto his stomach and his shirt rides up slightly. 

Pale scars peek out from underneath the hem of Jeremy’s shirt and Michael stops dead in his tracks. He drops everything he’s doing and stares for a moment before climbing onto the bed next to Jeremy’s head, running his hands through Jeremy’s hair to get his attention. “Hey babe, you’ve gotta scoot over, you’re taking up the whole bed.” He laughs when Jeremy whines in response and sits up grumpily. 

“If Imma have to move anyways I might as well put on more comfortable clothes.” He stands wobbling a bit and goes to Michael’s dresser in search of sweatpants. Michael raises his brows and watches Jeremy try to remember which drawer to look in. After a moment Jeremy looks back at him, a helpless look on his face. 

Michael smiles and stands, deftly pulling open one of the drawers and pulling out some old college sweatpants. He goes back and flops onto the bed, waiting for Jeremy to come back. He flops onto Michael’s chest a moment later. Michael looks down at him surprised to find Jeremy just wearing the sweatpants, having left his shirt somewhere else in the basement. This was the first time since the SQUIP-ening that Jeremy had let Michael see him without a shirt on, and when Michael got a glimpse of Jeremy’s back it all made since.

Jeremy’s back was covered in a spiderweb of scars, all of them originating from his spine. He doesn’t seem to notice when Michael goes still as the dead and just looks at him sadly. He’s curled against Michael’s chest as he sighs happily and drifts off. Michael doesn’t sleep well that night, up worrying about Jeremy. 

~~~

It is very obvious to Michael when Jeremy wakes up, he immediately goes tense. “Michael,” Jeremy says cautiously, “did you go to sleep before or after me last night?” He’s hiding his face, not wanting Michael to see the shame there.

“After. Jer, can I ask?” His worry was plainly written across his face as he looks down at the top of Jeremy’s head. Jeremy sighs and sits up, pulling Michael with him. 

“The SQUIP, it um, i-it p-punished me b-by shocking m-me.” Jeremy won’t look at Michael as he hugs himself. 

“We don’t have to talk about this,” Michael reaches out for Jeremy’s hand but backs up when he flinches back. 

“N-no. I need to.” He turns away from Michael and takes a deep breath. “I-it said th-that I thought a-about you t-too much. A-and that it was--that it was wrong. S-so i-it shocked m-me to g-get me to st-stop.” His shoulders were shaking and Michael ached to hold him and dry his tears. “I-it wouldn’t be this--this b-bad, b-but I j-just couldn’t st-stop. Th-then it w-was about n-not f-f-forgetting you.” He’s leaning off the side of the bed and Michael moves closer slowly. 

“Can I touch you Jer? Is that okay right now?” Michael doesn’t want to make Jeremy any more uncomfortable than he already was, and this was all his fault. 

“Y-yes please,” Jeremy sobs, turning around and throwing himself into Michael’s waiting arms. “St-stop it.” He demands through his tears. 

“Stop what?” Michael asks, feigning ignorance. 

“Blaming yourself.” Jeremy was clinging to Michael for dear life but he still managed to be the strongest person Michael’s ever known. “S-so they don’t--they don’t bother you?” Jeremy looks up at him shyly, a self-conscious look on his face. 

“I could never hate them Jeremy, they’re there because of who you are, and I love you.” 

Jeremy starts crying and Michael’s eyes go wide as he brushes Jeremy’s tears away. “I’m s-sorry, I was just so w-worried that y-you would hate th-them and then you w-wouldn’t l-love me any--”

“I’m going to have to stop you right there. There is no way on God’s green Earth that I could ever stop loving you.” Michael cradle’s Jeremy’s face in his hands, rubbing their noses together. A small smile tugs at Jeremy’s lips. 

“I love you Michael.” He winds his arms around Michael’s neck.

“I love you too Jeremy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!  
> If you want to bug me to update faster or you want to scream with me about BMC in general, come visit me on tumblr I'm jasnahkholin


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